Monday, November 8, 2010

The More Things Change... (TSGA part 6)

Have a look at the new, politically correct Steadfast Daughters Welcome page.



Quite a bit of editing and toning down of rhetoric since the initial version we all saw a week or so ago, wouldn't you say?


I've been clear from the start that I've nothing BUT doubts about the commitment to truth of the whole endeavor, but now we've ventured from a dishonest approach to edited, smoke-screened dishonesty. It's akin to a political speech written by a prominent official, but then edited and revamped by everyone from staff members, to the State Department, to Uncle Hambone and the boys down at the Nickle Stop, ending up barely a skeleton of the original draft (the only draft that had ANY genuine elements), using a whole lot of words that have little of substantive value. Politically correct.



We know what you meant, Stace. *wink* The original isn't buried so far in the recesses of our memory banks that we've forgotten the real intent of Steadfast Daughters and accepted this kinder, gentler model as genuine.


I'd also liken it to a theatrical movie release shown on network television - the swear words all falling at the hands of the network censors, replaced by either a bleep or words like "shoot" and "darn". Only a naive child doesn't know what was really being said. They trust others to tell them. I mean, the TV wouldn't lie! Sadly, I think this is the audience (naive, emotional children) that Stacy and her cohorts are going for. It's what P/QF authoritarianism raises women to be.


I know that "modern psychology" is one of the Great Satans of fundamentalism, but any qualified person in the field of psychology can tell you that true reconciliation doesn't occur without someone changing. True repentance. A note to QDs everywhere - Stacy expects YOU to change, cause she's gonna defend her culture and cult to the bitter end. You can be sure of that. Too much invested into it. Too much to be gained from the naive. Too much to lose when loyal followers are established.


However, labeling common conflicts and parenting weaknesses, which are present in most families “abuse” is a shame and an insult to the real victims of any sort of domestic oppression. Therefore, by relying on Scripture and wise counsel, our Steadfast contributors will attempt to sort through the various topics with compassion and discernment.


I think she's setting the bar a little too high for the contributors to Steadfast Daughters. For starters, look at the poor judgment already shown by presenting this "Abigail" character - a persona woefully lacking in compassion and completely devoid of discernment. This new "Welcome" message doesn't make Abigail's contribution any less rife with the characteristics found in Lifton's thought reform model.


As pointed out by a friend elsewhere a few days ago, all of the contributors to SD are 1st generation patrios who have no real idea what it is to be a QD. They may point to their own daughters and say, "But our daughters are happy!" Well, they'd better be. I know the hell that awaits them if they decide they aren't happy. The fact is, in this movement as in all cultic movements, projecting your OWN dedication and commitment to the faux-spiritual lifestyle onto your children is far more the rule than the exception in my experience and that of those I've communicated with. Let these girls get out from under the influence of their parental indoctrination, experience life outside of the fundamentalist bubble, live in a world where they're truly free to dissent without retribution, and then, in a few years, they'd be qualified to speak on the issues of quivering daughters.


Also, having that group of contributors discuss issues of legalism is like having Hillary Clinton, Walter Mondale, Maxine Waters, and the corpse of Teddy Kennedy investigate and determine the evils of left-wing, liberal politics. It's like doing the backstroke upstream - lots of motion and flailing and water stirred up, but all the while losing ground against the current. It's ridiculous.


However, according to the writings of some QD proponents, in addition to real family terror; true legalism; and cultic or false doctrine; some solid, biblical teachings may also be considered emotionally and spiritually “abusive.”


Solid, biblical teachings? You mean like courtship? You mean like the authority of a father over a grown man or woman? You mean the worship of the family unit? You mean the womb being part of the gospel picture? You mean the shepherding concepts that so much of P/QF are founded on?


Or do you really mean presuppositions and cultural preferences for reconstructionist/dominionist models which are being confused with "solid, biblical teachings"?


On this blog, we will discuss the weaknesses of the “Quivering Daughters” concept; evaluate what is and what is not “abuse;” and sort through any legitimate problems that may be occurring in Christian homeschooling families, including legalism.


This would be wonderful...that is, if any of the contributors to the cause were in any way, shape, or form qualified to make those evaluations. They aren't. They have something to protect and defend, a massive conflict of interest, no real training in psychology or counseling that I'm aware of, and no desire to listen to people who are qualified. It's the blind desiring to lead the blind.


The more things change, the more they stay the same. Some of us can see through the smoke.

28 comments:

  1. Keep after it Lewis.

    Your dedication to expose the blatant injustices perpetuated against God's little lambs in the name of the god of patriarchy is blessing more people than you could ever know.

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  2. I see she hasn't changed her favorite Robin Phillips quote. "If there's a problem with authority hurting people, then clearly what we need is... um... to give more control to authority! Yeah, that's it! Lots more authority and make them really powerful! Certainly not Jesus, because He goes to Starbucks autonomously and that's evil."

    "Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch?" --Some Jewish guy who goes to Starbucks and who doesn't get much mention on the Steadfast Daughters site for some reason

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  3. i love the fierce honesty Lewis! I don't know how you do it.

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  4. Eric, I should know by now not to be eating something when I read your comments because my computer keyboard inevitably suffers. :P LOL

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  5. They just don't give up... it's all about the lifestyle and none of the actual relationship with God. :-P He's legalism, not love in their book.

    They don't get it... there IS NO BABY IN THE PATRIARCHY BATHWATER. :-P :-P All this "parental authority" just isn't biblical, period. :-P It's worship of rules and rituals rather than a God who loves.

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  6. Speaking of using "word(s)... that cause an automatic emotional response" what is 'crusade' doing there?

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  7. "On this blog, we will discuss the weaknesses of the “Quivering Daughters” concept;"

    translated: "we will think of daughters who are in pain as a 'concept,' not as people."

    "...evaluate what is and what is not 'abuse;'"

    translated: "downplay what they have suffered by turning it into straw men"

    "and sort through any legitimate problems that may be occurring in Christian homeschooling families, including legalism."

    translated: "divorce ourselves from anyone who is following our teachings to their detriment, because they just aren't doing it right."

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  8. I'd like to echo Mara and say yes, please do keep it up, Lewis. I read everything on Steadfast Daughters, and had all kinds of red flags flying, but couldn't pin down exactly what was bothering me about it. You pin it down, you hit the nail right on the head, and keep doing it!

    Maybe if they get enough backlash they'll do the right thing and shut their ridiculous blog down.

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  9. Has anyone else noticed Abigail's "new and improved" bio? It says nothing about being married to a Nabal.

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  10. Ai yi yi. That whole blog and anything Stacy and her cohorts say reminds me of the teacher on Charlie Brown movies. "Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah."

    Matthew 15:8-9
    These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.

    Ain't that the truth!

    Abusers aren't qualified to define what is and isn't abuse.

    They'll sort through stuff with compassion and discernment??? What the??? It would be awesome if they'd actually try something new like this, but we all know that's NOT going to happen.

    *bangs head*

    Every time I read her drivel, the only thing I can hear in the background is cha-ching, cha-ching.

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  11. This:

    Abusers aren't qualified to define what is and isn't abuse.

    and this:

    "On this blog, we will discuss the weaknesses of the “Quivering Daughters” concept;"

    translated: "we will think of daughters who are in pain as a 'concept,' not as people."

    "...evaluate what is and what is not 'abuse;'"

    translated: "downplay what they have suffered by turning it into straw men"

    "and sort through any legitimate problems that may be occurring in Christian homeschooling families, including legalism."

    translated: "divorce ourselves from anyone who is following our teachings to their detriment, because they just aren't doing it right."


    and this:
    Keep after it Lewis.

    Yup. You all wrote what I was thinking.

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  12. So not only do they write ridiculous stuff, they then edit that stuff out because of the response they receive against it.

    D'OH!

    Why can't they stick with their original, offensive posts? :-P That would be more truthful than coming against QD and changing, changing, changing to appear more accomadating and maybe even more Christian. Well those who saw the original remember... and it looks mighty fishy.

    As Erika said... cha-ching, cha-ching......

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  13. Yes, Abigail's bio has changed. Mysteriously. After our prior conversation about her love of "the Bible and her Reformed Baptist Church" with blaring omission of loving Jesus. The walls have eyes.

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  14. Well they kept the "I love my church and my bible" and added "i've loved Jesus my whole life". Like, oh yeah. :P

    Honestly, I don't have one single problem with editing and changing according to people's reactions in this case. BUT THEY NEED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT, not just slink away and shove all the meanness under the carpet, pretending it never happened, while hoping everyone who saw it will just forget about it. There's nothing wrong with admitting you were wrong, were too harsh, had a change of heart, worded something badly, etc. But what they did just makes them look even more dishonest and self-righteous.

    Are you listening, women of "Steadfast Daughters"? Every move you make is putting one more nail in the coffin of your desire for reconciliation and honest dialog.

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  15. Does anybody know what a "Starbucks Jesus" might be?

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  16. I am curious too. Are they referring to the pithy statements on Starbucks cups, implying that people who don't subscribe to their cult don't take the time to read the whole Bible, study it, etc. but just live by little snippets that tickle our fancy?

    Or are they implying that people who don't subscribe to their cult all like Starbucks? Therefore Starbucks is guilty by association?

    That the "real Jesus" hates middle class Americans who go to Starbucks?

    What is the point?

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  17. Maybe they are trying to say "Starbucks" is just a place to "hang out" so he would be a "hang out Jesus". Like that is too informal I guess. :-P

    I think they have a problem with a very personal God and Jesus... God to them is almighty, powerful, condescending. One girl who recently got out of a very patriocentric family said she was never even taught the love of God, just perform, perform, perform.

    God is powerful, but He is also personal. My Jesus WILL hang out with me for a chocolate latte and talk about how my week has been. He is the Judge, but as His child, I am under grace. He doesn't want to condemn me, He wants to reveal His beauty, His plans, His love to me.

    So yeah, I guess I do have a "Starbucks Jesus". :-P

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  18. @thatmom-- It comes from Robin Phillips' review of Quivering Daughters, though he mistook my chapter on the love of Jesus for Hillary's writing. He took issue with my statement that Jesus is not looking for servants but friends--"Jesus isn’t interested in having mindless servants who blindly obey. Jesus wants friends who will hang out with Him.... Jesus thinks you’re the kind of person He’d like to get together with over coffee."

    Nope, say the critics, this idea of friendship with Jesus is dangerous because it might make us think we can dispense with the proper authorities and be autonomous.

    The problem with them taking issue with this, of course, is that that's pretty much exactly what Jesus said. "No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends..." (John 15:15).

    OK, so He didn't mention coffee exactly (but that's what friends do in our society). I just always find it very amusing to say what Jesus said and then watch religious people jump all over it. (Anyone else remember Brant Hansen's "If Jesus Had a Blog"?) Whose side are they on?

    Maybe it's a good thing I haven't figured out how to write a good-sounding post about "If you do not hate your mother and father and sister and brother, you cannot be my disciple"...

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  19. The Starbucks Jesus is probably a rebel - a guy with a beard who wears sandals...and we know that can't be right...cause the REAL Jesus has an English accent, a penchant for over-acting, and talks about authority and submission all the time.

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  20. Haha Lewis... for real. :-P He seems pretty women friendly too, you know... especially for the era He lived in.

    The REAL Jesus wants to be sure that EVERYONE knows about the degree of separation between men and women, it is HUGE... Men RULE women SUBMIT, that's His gospel message, right? That's the REAL reason the world is where it is right now. If all men ruled as they should and women submitted as they should, all the nonchristians would see the light and come running begging on their KNEES to become Christians! They wouldn't be able to resist!

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  21. Starbucks Jesus on a Christian T-Shirt:

    http://kitschian.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/jesus-starbucks1.jpg

    (Why is good theology so often bad art? Seriously.)

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  22. Haha... I could create a better t-shirt than that. :-D I dislike how Christians have to copy stuff rather than come up with their own. :-P Parody is an art of its own, sure, but not if it's the ONLY thing... :-P

    *end random off topic comment*

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  23. I love how the fundie camp can use word pictures all the time, but as soon as the rest of us use one (like Jesus having coffee with us), they get their granny panties in a big ole wad about it.

    When Jesus hung out with his disciples, they had wine together. He visited with Lazarus and his sisters. He ate and drank with them. In our culture and society today, he'd sit down and have coffee or tea with us.

    These fundies really need a colonic!

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  24. That's true, Erika...Less religion, more relationship. I think that's largely what Eric was saying in the piece he wrote and what was entirely missed in the review Robin Phillips offered. (Forgive me if I'm putting words in your mouth, Eric)

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  25. Very much so. Also, "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

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  26. Lewis, Abigail has received your correction and submitted to you. She deleted the part about a Nabal husband. Now she has filled in the blanks and it sounds to me like she IS a QD who has happy childhood memories. She thinks that the solution to the unhappiness in her marriage is for her husband to be a patriarchal leader like her father:

    QUOTE ABIGAILShe grew up in a large family, the oldest of several children. Her childhood was busy and imperfect but very happy. Abigail’s father was the head of her childhood home, protecting, directing, and providing for his large family while demonstrating steadfast compassion for his wife and children. Her parents have been faithfully loving, godly and encouraging.

    Abigail has been married for over twenty years and has lots of dear children, all educated at home. She prays for grace and courage to live faithfully and joyfully in a very difficult marriage. (She’d love it if you’d pray for her too. Her Father in Heaven knows her name.)

    Abigail and her children are under the care of the elders of her church, where she and her husband and children are being helped, encouraged and counseled. She has asked to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of her husband and children.

    Abigail desires to help abused women and children find relief. Like so many other women, she initially experienced great difficulty finding sound, biblical counsel for her marriage, so she knows what it is like to feel that there is none to help. Because she has experienced both the joy of biblical family life and the pain that comes with the misuse of authority and the neglect of male responsibility, she understands very well that the causes of abuse are not found in such things as homeschooling, biblical gender roles, or family size. She believes that focusing on these things is potentially very harmful to suffering women and children.- Abigail
    ENDQUOTE

    I still think you are too hard on Abigail. All this talk about compassion... Where is the compassion toward Abigail?

    Abigail, if you read this. I am a QF mother whose husband was patriarchal and he was still a Nabal! Patriarchy is not the answer. (Search Nabal on my blog for what works for me.)

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  27. Charis...I doubt "Abigail" had much to do with the changes to the bio.

    I don't have a tremendous amount of compassion for anyone who diminishes the abuses suffered by my friends and readers. I pity Abigail, but I don't feel compassion for her speaking injuriously and ignorantly on a subject she obviously doesn't truly begin to understand. Just having been raised in a large family doesn't make her a QD. My mother was one of 11 siblings in a Christian home, but there was nothing patriarchal or quiverfull about their beliefs.

    Abigail worships an authority structure. In her bio, there's one passing reference to her Heavenly Father, no mention at all of Christ, but continual references to a lifestyle founded in authority structure and role-playing. It reads a lot like the VF mission statement.

    I agree with you 100% that patriarchy isn't the answer, but it's hard for me to move past pity for Abigail. My compassion is for the victims of spiritual abuse that were demeaned and insulted, essentially abused even more, by her article.

    Realistically, Abigail will have to move past the need to tie her happiness and spiritual health to the covering of a man or church authority before anyone's compassion, even Christ's, will ever benefit her. I'm sure Stacy would argue that Abigail's heart is fixed on Jesus, but it's pretty clear from Abigail's bio where her bread is buttered.

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  28. "Abigail worships an authority structure. In her bio, there's one passing reference to her Heavenly Father, no mention at all of Christ, but continual references to a lifestyle founded in authority structure and role-playing. It reads a lot like the VF mission statement"

    Ugh, yes. But I think her ignorance is a sign of her own deception, and Paul speaks of having more mercy on people deceived than deliberate false teachers *cough* Doug Phillips *cough*

    Jennifer

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