I've compared P/QF to the People's Temple on several occasions. While the longterm goals differ a bit (a Christian theocracy for P/QF, with its leaders as profiteers - A socialist utopia in Jonestown, with Jim Jones living in absolute power), many elements of the characteristics of a destructive cult are found in both. Another, perhaps even better, comparison is to the FLDS. It's really sickening. It destroys people - from the inside out.
(Here's a big CLA for the rest of this post. I'm pretty emotionally "impure" after having watched the clips below.)
From the time you're born into a P/QF family, or from the time vulnerable, naive parents choose to begin following P/QF teachings and all its assorted little uglies - Christian homeschooling, purity, courtship, et cetera - you're planted in a jar. I once wrote the following...
"when you plant a seed in a jar, you sentence the plant that will result to a best case scenario of growing into the shape of the jar - but NEVER exceeding it. No matter how much the sprigs and shoots want to spread out and reach toward the sun that shines on them and gives them life, the jar forms a barrier that prevents it. More often than not, in the P/QF paradigm, the parents, particularly the father, play the role of the jar. Sadly, I think the reason that young women leaving the P/QF lifestyle encounter so much grief, resistance, and totally unnecessary and abusive drama is a simple one: For them to ever live in freedom, the jar has to be shattered. Few P/QF parents volunteer for as much. Exit is NEVER simple. NEVER easy. The jar has to shatter."
I still believe every word of that. More now than ever. The P/QF paradigm determines your life for you, makes your choices for you, tells you what you think, tells you what you believe. You're a resource in "God's greater plan and providence". You're only as valuable as your "purity" - sexual and emotional. Everything about your life in P/QF will tell you this. I want to tell you that's bullshit.
A friend recently sent me a link to a documentary about the purity movement. I'm gonna write a bit about it here. I almost have to. I watched some of it earlier today. There are 4 segments, and all I could handle was 3. I'm still furious from it, my stomach still literally in a knot. So much emotional ignorance, religious pride, complete stupidity. So many things which remind me of the idiocy (and accompanying idiots) I experienced.
Here's Part 1...
The woman who begins speaking at 00:20 (Khrystian Wilson - daughter of Randy) quite obviously has no idea what purity really is. To her, purity is about works, about the things she does. She doesn't appear to have a clue that she can do ALL of the things which she thinks keep her "pure", including "giving her heart" to daddy dearest, and her real heart, her inner being, can still be putrid and corrupt. She finds her value in the external element of sexual purity and the superficial element of emotional purity. She's most likely been brainwashed with this poison her entire life.
The woman who speaks at 1:22 (Jessica) mentions something I've written about here, how these girls are sooo far behind mentally and emotionally, something I noticed in my ex and her siblings long before I even knew what any of this crap was. I don't mean slightly behind. I'm talking about 13 year olds masquerading around in the bodies of 20somethings, or elementary aged minds and thinking (or lack thereof) in teenagers.
The guy who starts speaking at 1:50 (Ken Lane), aside from just coming across really creepy, he's reinforcing the milieu and indoctrination right there in the interview, even through his looks of affirmation given to his daughter as his states his key points. He's been brainwashed so deeply, and has bought into the propaganda so heavily, that he's completely numb to his own brainwashing tactics, freely engaging in them right in front of the camera. He isn't being brash. He's just that ignorant. "Why not shoot for the fairy-tale?" Ummm, maybe because life isn't a fairy-tale?...and because there's a reason that fairy-tales are a part of children's books and stories? Then again, when the day comes that he presents his daughter to her groom, he'll be presenting a child (regardless of her age), so maybe he's on to something.
And the whole ritualistic bunch of bull butter they're doing at this "purity ball"? Bringing in that cross is almost like spitting on Jesus. It's a mask. A smokescreen. Nobody at that purity ball gives a crap about Jesus. Daddy is being worshiped. Period. Little girls dressed up like fairies dancing around a cross, while the true object of their worship is daddy. It isn't the girls' fault. It's still sickening. It's like the dance of a geisha in training.
Randy Wilson, the guy responsible for this particular incest ba, err, I mean purity ball, comes across as being utterly rife with spiritual pride throughout the 3 segments I've watched. A "and they will know you by your Christianity" kinda guy. I'd dare say that if anyone is actually growing at his church, whether personally or spiritually, it's probably in spite of him. His wife Lisa, who first speaks at 2:44, is completely creating her description of the purity ball event as she goes. She doesn't want to use the "wrong" words, so she searches, speaking not so much from conviction as she does from initial creation. I almost feel like the event is, to her, nothing more than her chance to "play dress-up" with her daughters. It's especially disturbing when she says that she wants "romance" at a purity ball as an appeal to the sensibilities of these young girls. When the men involved are their freakin' fathers, that's just sick.
At around 4:00, Randy Wilson does what is obviously the Lord's work in letting women know how insecure they are inherently. And, by God, he knows how to fix it. It'll take a man.
Khrystian Wilson speaks again at around 4:40, and once again about issues she really has no valid frame of reference to talk about. She's just parroting. She's obviously not aware of that, being totally brainwashed, having been given digestible increments of the Kool-aid for probably her whole life, but she's still just serving as a mouthpiece for the opinions and ideas of other people - namely dear old dad. I know it all too well. She's a 13 year old in a 20 year old body, who knows nothing about nothing about life, but has put her faith entirely in the P/QF paradigm she's been taught. God is irrelevant and unnecessary.
Randy gets disgustingly creepy again at about 5:40 - completely oblivious to the psychology of a child (a 5 or 6 year old has no idea what "marriage" is - of course they'll answer "daddy", being mommy's "married" to him - it's their only frame of reference at that age).
I think Kevin Moore probably means well, but he's just gulped down the Kool-aid and gotten in over his head, probably like most of the men who take their daughters to incest ba, err, purity balls. His daughter, Rachel, who speaks at around 6:40, is another parrot who has no real idea what she's talking about. For instance, her example of someone who's been through three dating break-ups in a months time, and the emotional turmoil that results from it - I mean, seriously, seriously, just how much emotion could be involved in that kinda rapid fire scenario? It gives you a look at just what a dishonest and inaccurate portrayal of dating (and emotion) that these girls are brainwashed with. Purposeful dishonesty, too, which makes it sickening. Brainwashing works. By Kool-aid D-Day, the people at Jonestown literally believed that the people of America wanted to kill them, including their babies and seniors. Again, brainwashing works. Make whatever you need to be seen as the enemy into something so terrible, so evil, such a threat, through repetition and propaganda, and vulnerable, naive minds will buy what you're selling.
I hate to tell Mr. Moore that the 70s absolutely weren't milder than today. At least not sexually. Good Lord. Please join the rest of us in reality.
His daughter Claire speaks at about 8:35. One of the ways she describes "purity" is to "keep my heart pure before God". SMH. She's talking about emotion, for those who don't see the problem with what she said. How fitting that at 9:00 she totally whiffs on the 10 commandments thing (which the interviewer calls her on), and her sister, who she turns to for help, pulls some propaganda right out of her brainwashed rear-end to rationalize the mistake away. I feel sorry for these girls. It's pathetic.
When Hannah (daughter of Ken Lane) starts speaking at 11:10, wow, the whole thing reminds me soooooooooo much of my ex - at least as she was after she disappeared right before our wedding ceremony, was reindoctrinated for several weeks, and only allowed to speak to me thereafter with a moniter on the line with her (usually her father), quite obviously relying on him for answers to questions she couldn't handle - just like the child she was raised to be. Hannah has been raised to be totally reliant on her father. It's sad. I pity her. She'll become an "adult" having never made a decision of substance, and completely unequipped to do so. If her father ever allows her to marry, her husband will become her new idol. She'll never, ever grow beyond exactly who and what she is right now at 11 years old unless the jar is shattered. Her words are daddy's words. Period.
At 13:45, Hannah's mother and Ken's wife, Libby, proves that Hannah has to deal with dumbass on both sides of the family. Nothing but P/QF cult-speak. If it's so terrible to "give pieces of your heart away", and Libby's past is so checkered with the abominable sin of pieces of her heart having been given here, there, and yonder, how is she even fit to be a mother? While her mother is telling us all about her past in cult-speak, it's pretty clear that Hannah's heard this little propaganda spiel many times. She could probably recite it better than her mother.
Here's Part 2...
How perfect that this segment begins with Khrystian Wilson singing a song (which I'm guessing she may have written) about a girl whose "heart's beaten up cause her father's not there". That's almost as painfully cheesy as the Leif Garrett episode of "Behind The Music".
Her sister Amanda (who's quite obviously emotionally immature) then speaks about having "no regrets" for following the courtship/purity model in marrying a man she barely knew. It's a good thing. Regrets would probably earn her one free estrangement from her family. I mean, failure is NOT an option in a mind control dynamic.
Jessica speaks again at around 3:00. She still hasn't come to terms with the fact that the quality of her parents, as people, was largely a facade. Religion (particularly P/QF) was and is their heart, as you'll see later in Part 3. As she tells her story, it becomes obvious that her parents made rules and religious culture their focus in parenting (as most P/QF parents do), eschewing the idea of self-control, and unable to impart life skills or information that were anything more than isolationist religious drivel. Her life paid the price. Jessica doesn't understand that her mother in fact never trusted her. Never. If she had, she'd have taught her about life. What her mother most likely holds against her is the stygma that she now thinks she carries - having a sinful, "worldly" daughter. Naturally, no one wants to think the worst of their parents, but P/QF is a hopelessly selfish system that breeds sociopathy. Everything you thought your parents incapable of, P/QF makes them capable...as many of you reading this know first hand.
David Diefenderfer strikes me as a man, nearing the end of his life, content to allow a paradigm (which makes promises, albeit empty ones, toward the opposite of all of the things he's lived - therein its appeal) raise his daughters after his death. His daughters are just products of its brainwashing and propaganda, although not quite to the poisonous degree of most of the other young girls in the video.
Early in this segment, we meet Colton Wilson, fittingly wearing a Patrick Henry College sweatshirt (Christian homeschooling movement! Yay!). As he's asked how he feels while watching his sisters prepare for the incest ba, err, purity ball, he starts talking about how "lovely" they are, and the look on his face at 00:32 of the video is more than a little creepy, almost like there's a part of him that could cut glass at the moment (if you know what I mean). It's just all creepy and has a vibe of incest, whether the vibe has a basis or not. This stuff just isn't healthy or normal. It's also disturbing how he allows his mother to define who he is emotionally and sexually. I couldn't help but notice that as he says "That's my plan" in reference to saving his first kiss for his wedding day, he looks in his mother's direction.
At around 2:20, we go back to Jessica's story. We see that the "love" of Jessica's parents only genuinely goes as far as Jessica's willingness to drink the Kool-aid. They aren't just bad parents. They're bad people, driven by their out of control religious addictions. They have NO concern for the well-being, or lives in general, of anyone SHE cares about. All they care about is her doing what they want, and they would willingly and purposefully destroy innocent people to make that happen if they could. They're religious sociopaths. I should know. I've seen the same thing up close and personal. So have a lot of you.
Around 5:00, it gets religiously sickening. The Blessing. One big ole flip of the bird and an eff you to their Eternal High Priest, Jesus Christ. It's disgusting, from the physical positioning (making the children approach him on their knees) to the seeming desire to go back to the old covenant suggested through the action undertaken. Disgusting. And Lisa Wilson's speech at around 8:10, a large part of me feels it would've never happened if not for cameras being there.
Kevin Moore mentions his father having an addiction. His was gambling. Kevin has one, too. Religion.
The arrogance and pride that rolls off of Randy Wilson at around 10:00 is almost physically tangible. He doesn't seem to realize that being "controlling and patriarchal" IS a negative. He then demonstrates his disconnect from reality with his statement about his daughters' freedoms and liberties. Total whackadoodle. "I'm not about controlling. I see it more as 'launching'." SMH. Ok then. Asshat. Lisa Wilson then tries to rationalize away the controlling. It isn't about dignity, standards, or anything of the sort, Lisa. If you'd look past your own propaganda for even 5 seconds, you'd see exactly what it's all about: Taking Dominion. If you don't hold up your end and produce little SuperChristian dominionists, the multi-level marketing scheme which is P/QF crumbles. End of story. Just tell the truth for once.
I don't even want to get into the Purity Covenant, and the way it bows up and takes a crap all over Matthew 5.
I'm not sure I'll even watch the last segment. It's nearly 2AM here, and this has me so stirred up that sleep isn't really in view right now. I watch this and I see blatant emotional incest, and see these idiot patriarse fathers eventually offering prospective grooms the emotional equivalent of what would be, in crude sexual terms, sloppy seconds. If you're emotionally incestuous with your father, how exactly are you "emotionally pure"? The response to that of any healthy man would be "Yuck!" It's as if the only way these girls will ever be "fit" for marriage is to be emotionally unhealthy. This is aside from the perpetual immaturity.
So many bad memories, the dots of which connected easily when watching this. Back when I was in the midst of my deal, I really had NO idea just how big the monster behind my ex's dysfunction actually was. I'd have still loved her and still fought for her, but Lord help me at the futility of it.
To you ladies (and guys, too) who've been in this, gotten out of it, and started toward healthy, productive lives...I can't really put into words just how much I admire and respect you. You're amazing. All of you.
To those of you still in it, please read here.