Dear Abigail (TSGA part 5)

(There She Goes Again Part 5)


The lastest slap in the face of the abused.


Well, now we have this "Abigail" character. I have an idea or two who "Abigail" might be. She's described this way...


"This modern day Abigail has been married to Nabal for twenty years. She loves her husband her children, her Bible, and her Reformed Baptist church. She enjoys cooking, reading, writing, and being helpful and productive in her home. She grew up in a large family and is thankful to have several children.

“Abigail” prays for grace and courage to live faithfully and joyfully in a difficult marriage. Having seen the great pain that comes with the misuse of authority and the neglect of male responsibility, one of her greatest desires is to experience the benefits of loving biblical patriarchy."

Mmm Hmm.


It becomes very clear very quickly that Abigail has imbibed the Flavor-aid. Gulped it - then took a piece of bread and sopped up the drops remaining in the cup. She's surrendered anything resembling a mind of her own to the mind of the cult and it's leaders. In the war that's been declared on the spiritually abused by Stacy McDonald and her cultic minions, Abigail attempts to attack the flank of the abused, assuring them softly and gently that their personal sufferings are actually "sin".



Abigail's a snake. A viper, in fact.


She begins by describing her personal perils, how difficult parts of her childhood were, yadda yadda yadda, in the course of her first several paragraphs. Her purpose here is to diminish the experience of Hillary McFarland and other QDs who came up in cultic environments. "See?! I had it bad, too!"


She's describing a childhood that many of us have experienced. Heck, in my elementary years, I used to have to work in the garden, tend the chickens, help dad butcher them, chase headless chickens around the backyard and fetch them out from under the shed, unload truckloads of firewood and kindling, work springs and summers in the watermelon patches (which is backbreaking for a 10 year old in the Florida heat and humidity), and all kinds of stuff that kids these days wouldn't understand. My parents and their generation had it 100 times tougher than I did. 


With that in mind, Abigail's either woefully unable to discern a situation or intentionally attempting to engage in deception and diversion. Quivering Daughters isn't a book about young women having to do hard work. QD is a book about young women diminished by a system of cultic, legalistic belief that disregards their personal relationships, individuality, giftings, emotions (considering these things evil, worldly, rebellious), and in many, if not most, cases, proves an obstacle in their personal walk with Christ. Micro-management of all aspects, including faith. That's spiritual abuse. A lifestyle that shifts the focus of a daughter away from Christ and sets up the worship of a human father and family unit. That's apostasy and idolatry. It's spiritual abuse.


Her first few paragraphs lead up to this one...


One of the keys to a happy life here is to accept the fact that this isn’t Heaven. This is Earth. Earth is sometimes a disappointing place to live, but the disappointments here have deep purpose. They are gifts, to draw our hearts away from the desire for status or approval or material things toward Christ alone. Again and again, He urges us to find our hope and satisfaction and joy in Him, to lay up our treasures in Heaven, to live for His glory and not our own. He must increase, and we must decrease.


Quivering daughters everywhere - consider your experiences dismissed by dear Abigail.


The next few paragraphs are either a very subtle attempt at mind control, or a truly blind person attempting to blind others and lead them into a ditch. And then, there's this...


“Thou shalt have no other gods before Me” means, among many other things, that I must acknowledge that I could never write a history for myself as wise and rich and wonderful and eternally profitable as the one that God has so graciously written for me. Disappointments and all, I don’t wish it might have been different. It’s been exactly what He ordained.


WOW. That's one way to misinterpret a scripture. If she's so convinced of this, perhaps she should consider the possibility that God ordained the feelings, emotions, and mindsets of quivering daughters. She might say, "No way, because those things are wrong and sinful." Mmm hmm. Well then, stop crediting God for the sins of parents or just fess up to double-talk and hypocrisy.


God, for His own glory and according to His perfect wisdom, does not assign the holy angels of Heaven to parent children. He requires sinners to bring up sinners. As this is His plan, it provides no occasion for resentment.


I'm getting the impression that Abigail considers everything, with the notable exception of quivering daughters, God's ordained plan.


Sadly, grace and compassion toward parents seem to be in very short supply at Quivering Daughters. For Hillary McFarland and others, normal childhood disappointments have not yet yielded to compassion toward the parents who, as fellow heirs of grace, imperfectly gave much and loved deeply.


Abigail once again slaps all quivering daughters in the face and dismisses the abuses they've suffered. I'm starting to believe Abigail, in a room full of people, is likely the last to "get" the jokes she hears. She's obviously read a different book and blog than I have.


Lord willing, change is yet to come as these young adults grow in their knowledge of the grace of God, as they learn to see their sins against God as infinitely greater than their parents’ sins against them.


Translation: Maybe someday these poor, rebellious, ignorant girls will be as wise, spiritually astute, and enlightened as me. I'm the freakin' man! Look at me beat on my own chest, you heathens!


She then includes this passage of scripture...


Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?


For me, that scripture brings to mind this one...


So the elders of the Jews continued to build and prosper under the preaching of Haggai the prophet and Zechariah, a descendant of Iddo. They finished building the temple according to the command of the God of Israel and the decrees of Cyrus, Darius and Artaxerxes, kings of Persia.


Hey, mine was as relevant as hers was. So there.


I see Hillary McFarland publicly, repeatedly, and deliberately treat her parents the very same way that she says they once wounded her privately, occasionally, and unintentionally. She is returning the offense in kind–but in greater degree. One of her most frequent complaints is that she often felt that she did not measure up as a daughter, but this experience has not left her too shy to tell the world that her parents do not measure up and were not good enough for her.


I could take this more seriously if it weren't coming from "Abigail", married to the fat, obnoxious slob "Nabal" (the fool), living in a difficult marriage. By her own standard, I don't see much honor in that description.


When I first encountered the Quivering Daughters blog, I expected to read one of those heartbreaking stories of genuine abuse that can be found in every culture and subculture. But after bracing myself for the worst, I found Hillary repeatedly assuring me that her parents have always loved her and have intended only good for her. Hillary’s material is shocking in the very fact that it doesn’t tell a story of dangerous cruelty. Hillary’s story is of parents who gave much to a daughter who still believes that she deserved far better.


I hope this woman never, ever, ever offers counsel to people. Ever. NO understanding of the issues. None. Totally enslaved to a cultic mindset which has left her on the straight and narrow-minded way. Totally unable to see anything outside of the cultic lens.


She then comments on a personal story which Hillary shared...


While there’s not much a parent can do about silent tears in the middle of the night, the wise parent who sees a child in this state will feel genuine sympathy for the young sufferer. Perhaps the best parental treatment for a sinful, inordinate desire for approval is a loving hug together with a gentle, loving rebuke.


Abigail, you need help. In the worst way. If you truly believe this, you're perhaps the most legalistic, blind person I've ever encountered. God help your children. They'd be better off in foster care than with you as their mother, and I'm not being facetious. One would have to question if you have any heart knowledge of Christ whatsoever, because you just painted the opposite picture of everything recorded about his life.


Disappointment is real, but it really calls for a holy response. When we bring forth sin instead, we must repent, for we are the people (Acts 16:25) who are called to sing hymns in prisons!


That isn't, and wasn't, a calling. Paul and Silas CHOSE to sing in the prison. The bible says nothing about them being "called" to do so. It certainly says nothing about any of us being "called" to do so. I think Stacy, err, Abigail *chuckle*, is once again trying to do our spiritual thinking for us.


It appears that this episode occured well over a decade ago, but the cure is the same today as it ever has been: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” The desire for approval and the desire for perfection run deeply in humans, but we tend to look for them in all the wrong places, among sinful humans on a fallen planet. God gives us sinful, weak, imperfect parents for His own glory, and He calls us to be content with whatever history and parents He’s given to us. Our parents’ weaknesses and sins are an opportunity to prove our faith by exercising forbearance, forgiveness, and loving discretion.


No understanding of either the situation or the scriptures. The fear of man is exactly what this cult promotes, while most QDs escape out of obedience to the compelling of their Heavenly Father.


Abigail, with all my heart I encourage you to get professional counseling and to visit a cult-exit counselor. You need it desperately. Hopefully you can escape the legalistic bondage you're in.