The Abuse of a Patriarchal Cult

The are soooo many little nasties of emotionally abusive practices upon which the P/QF dominionists rely. It's usually these elements of their movement that they dodge and weave to avoid questions concerning. When asked about how she would handle an adult daughter who refused the courtship process, Kelly Crawford told me recently, "Answering that would require an unraveling of everything I believe about authority." I wish to God it were within my personal power TO unravel everything she believes about authority.


Many of you who read here have minimal relationships with your parents because of your choice in a spouse. Some of you have been cut-off entirely from your parents, and beloved siblings, for your choice in a spouse. Some have experienced the same things for simply leaving home, against your parents "wishes", as an adult. Most of you made these choices while still completely dedicated to the Lord, which much prayer and consideration. Some of you were in more precarious situations than others, but I don't know of any who've communicated with me who made the choice to leave casually. You knew it came with significant (and usually unnecessary) consequences.



From Margaret T. Singer's "6 Conditions for Thought Reform"...

Manipulate a system of rewards, punishments, and experiences in order to promote learning the group’s ideology or belief system and group-approved behaviors.

Most P/QF parents like to use the term "request", as in "We're making this request of you." My former future in-laws had mastered this art. Unfortunately, this is the set-up for emotional abuse. A genuine "request" never comes with a corresponding punishment, whether emotional or physical. Theirs, as those of most P/QF parents, always did. Her punishment for failing to heed their "requests"? The silent treatment - one of the most severe and damaging forms of emotional abuse. Several of you who read here are right now getting heaping helpings of the silent treatment from parents who've estranged you. Shame on them. Not on you. From the linked article...

Kip Williams, Ph.D. validates what victims of silence episodes feel, that there are detrimental effects to physical health as well as the mental health. Those who have been ill-treated on a repeated basis report a sense of not belonging, loss of control, low self esteem and unworthiness. They also have increased stress levels, headaches and depression.

Many of you can relate. My ex's health deteriorated when essentially cut-off from her parents and a continent away from me. They had minimal communication with her (because of her plan to marry me with or without their approval) and most of what little communication took place were accusations of rebellion and threats of permanent estrangement, along with repeated vows to do all possible to destroy our relationship. From Sally Singer Horwatt, Ph.D...

Ostracism - a.k.a. the silent treatment - is the actions of individuals or groups that ignore, exclude or reject others. Ostracism is intended to deprive the target of the sense of belonging.  It has been called "social death."

It's a brutal thing to do to anyone. Much less to your own son or daughter, particularly when you've raised them to be in no emotional shape to deal with such, and equipped them with no skills to deal with life outside of the collective.


There's no recourse for the adult child in this milieu. Again, from Margaret Singer...

Put forth a closed system of logic and an authoritarian structure that permits no feedback and refuses to be modified except by leadership approval or executive order. The group has a top-down, pyramid structure. The leaders must have verbal ways of never losing. Members are not allowed to question, criticize or complain -- if they do, the leaders allege that the member is defective -- not the organization or the beliefs. The individual is always wrong -- the system, its leaders and its belief are always right.

Regardless of what the adult child has or hasn't done, it's THEM, not the parents or movement, in the wrong by manipulative and cultic reasoning. This, in and of itself, makes this an abusive system of belief. Typical adults who get caught up in cultic movements have a choice about who and what systems of belief they get involved in and with. 2nd generation (and beyond) P/QF homeschoolers aren't extended any choice. They're born into it, force-fed it, and ostracized if they grow up and choose something different.


More from Horwatt...

In my experience working with couples and families, ostracism is the single, most destructive tactic employed...worse even then affairs.  It, effectively, terminates the relationship, giving the other no sense of parity or control.  In any human relationship where partners are honest there is always conflict. A committed relationship is one in which the partners agree to continue to work it out until, at the very least, they agree to disagree.  Ostracism makes this impossible.  It makes honesty impossible.  It makes self-esteem impossible. Sometimes, the ostracizer finds he cannot stop.

Horwatt also describes the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic. What a cruel and selfish thing to do to anyone. It's a bonafide relationship killer, yet it's the FIRST option in many, if not most, P/QF families. And, it's entirely about one person controlling another. Lording. Domination. Nah, nothing cultic there.


The most disturbing thing about the silent treatment/ostracization/estrangement, is these parents think this is their God-ordained duty - not their own overwhelming insecurity. In my last post I mentioned Professor Eileen Barker's cult checklist. Let's break it down just a little bit...

1. A movement that separates itself from society, either geographically or socially; (home schooling, with a whopper of a cultural bias - meant to indoctrinate rather than educate...and family integrated churching)
2. Adherents who become increasingly dependent on the movement for their view on reality; (can anyone say "biblical worldview"?...and extra credit if you can tell me what it means) 
3. Important decisions in the lives of the adherents are made by others; (How about courtship for starters - and don't forget the 200 year plans and multi-generational faithfulness, i.e. decisions being made and mapped out now for generations who are decades from birth)
4. Making sharp distinctions between us and them, divine and Satanic, good and evil, etc. that are not open for discussion; (Dear Lord help me...I wouldn't even know where to begin with this one)
5. Leaders who claim divine authority for their deeds and for their orders to their followers; (Ditto my last comment...This one would almost generate an "LOL")
6. Leaders and movements who are unequivocally focused on achieving a certain goal. (Dominion, anyone?)

It really is scary how perfectly it lines up.


Sadly, these parents don't realize exactly who they're subjecting to these emotional abuses...

For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’ “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’ “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’

Ostracize that.


It's frightening when the health and well-being of a movement is more important than the people, particularly those with no choice in the matter, who populate it.


Much more to come...