Sunday, September 18, 2011

Small Steps in the Right Direction, but Still Behind a Veil

Several of you sent me a link to this article by Reb Bradley, which Josh Harris posted on his site, and the article also made its way around Facebook and some other communities I frequent. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to address it, and now having decided to do so, I may take some heat for my view of it. I hope it (Bradley's article) will give some Christian homeschooling families some food for thought, but I have my doubts that it'll bring about any significant change. I'm not discounting the message (although I have little faith in or respect for the messengers, Bradley/Harris). My concern is that, from my perspective, the issues raised by Bradley are largely symptoms of the bigger problem: religious addiction and indoctrination rather than education (something I wrote about in  The Children of Indoctrination and something covered VERY thoroughly in this her-meneutics/Christianity Today article by Karen Swallow Prior - a big thank you to Kristen for the link).

Bradley listed the following things as the "blindspots" of Christian homeschooling...

1. Having Self-Centered Dreams
2. Raising Family as an Idol
3. Emphasizing Outward Form
4. Tending to Judge
5. Depending on Formulas
6. Over-Dependence on Authority and Control. 
7. Over-Reliance Upon Sheltering
8. Not Passing On a Pure Faith
9. Not Cultivating a Loving Relationship With Our Children

While those ARE some serious blindspots which need correcting, those things are only side-effects and symptoms of the real disease - and if only the symptoms are treated, the disease rages on, which means the symptoms will flare up again (probably more resistant to treatment), and the disease will progress until it consumes the soul. It already has in many cases. 


The disease is the absence of the Holy Spirit. 


Maybe I just missed it (and if so, someone please point it out to me), but Bradley's article, like most of Christian homeschooling (and much of Christianity in general), made no mention of the Holy Spirit, leaves no room for the Holy Spirit, places no faith in the work of the Holy Spirit, all while emphasizing the role of parents in the spiritual life of children, even if it's suggesting a different role (perhaps disingenuously so - I don't know...can you tell I don't trust these people?).


The absence of the Holy Spirit is what lead to modern fundamentalism and it's associated paranoia. The absence of the Holy Spirit is what causes people to use religion and "faith" as a drug, creating religious addiction. The absence of the Holy Spirit is a spiritual disease of the mind, producing the following assumptions and presuppositions at the core of fundamentalism, dominionism, and the Christian homeschooling movement...



  • There is no truth to be found outside of the pages of the bible - perhaps even a certain translation of the bible.
  • All counsel and all ideas, whether familial, cultural, societal, must have a biblical basis. Experience isn't  legitimate unless it can fit within biblical parameters.
  • Anything "modern" is evil, including psychology, music, literature, et cetera.
  • Anything outside of my sociopolitical religious belief system is evil, is "of the world", and seeks to destroy me/my family.
  • The things which I fear must be reduced to black and white terms and opposed vehemently.
  • If I attempt to understand the things I fear, I'm compromising my religion.
  • Human authority structures are among the MOST important aspects of religion, therefore...
  • I MUST mediate between my children/others and God, for if I don't, they'll fail to be religious.
  • "Faith" must be regulated.
  • All men are capable of being leaders.
  • All women are weaker emotionally and incapable of being leaders.
  • All parents are capable of teaching their children anything that they need to learn.


I could list more, but those will do for now. Until THOSE things, and THAT core, Holy Spirit-less mindset is addressed, Christian homeschooling will remain in a vicious cycle. Vicious is an apt word to describe it - a vice, an addiction...religious addiction. More formulas will emerge to replace the discarded ones. Children will continue to be indoctrinated into a dominionist agenda rather than educated and given genuine choices. Until a person is given ALL available information, and allowed to consider, without interference or undue human influence, ALL available information, no choice they'll make is actually gonna be their own - even in matters of "choosing" the Christian faith.


In Bradley's article (and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt as to whether he's being genuine), while it's clear that he's identified some symptoms of a Holy Spirit-less mindset and paradigm, it's also obvious that he still doesn't quite "get it". The article is rife with the language of a religious addict, and with the mindset that indoctrinating children is the right thing, but he's just gone about it the wrong way. Sort of an "eat the meat and spit out the bones" mentality. He hasn't given up on the dominionist agenda and goal of Christian homeschooling. He's just looking for a different path, and while these are MAJOR sacred cows he's tackling, in the larger context, until the Christian homeschooling movement is willing to ditch the dominionist agenda, this (and all other introspective exercises) is just a collection of bandaids being applied to a sucking chest wound.


From Bradley, regarding "Having Self-Centered Dreams"...

You see, I had a dream for my family and it involved adult children who lived at home humbly under parental authority, and who would one day leave home to marry, after following my carefully orchestrated courtship process. But now, my son had gone and "messed up" my perfect dream. Nothing is wrong with dreaming of good things for your children, but the truth was, my dream for my son was mostly about me.

He only acknowledges pursuing his personal dream for his family, and whatever damaged that caused, as wrong. The foundation of the dream itself - parental authority over adult children - is where he messed up, but that's never acknowledged. His Shepherding/authoritarian view of parental authority was the source of the problem. His personal dreams were only the symptom and by-product - the sociopathy that his beliefs demand and breed. His words suggest that he considers submissive adult children and the courtship process to be "good things". The "right goal, wrong approach" mentality.


Throughout the article, he continues to use the language of a Christian homeschooling cult - even as he addresses the issue of raising the family to an idol. There, he speaks, in positive terms, of parents having their "children's hearts", and misses the bigger issue of the family idol, which isn't parents finding their value in the appearance of their family, but parents cultivating a CULTIC environment through the paranoid, dominionist, fundamentalist mindset. THAT's the true idolatry issue - when the "culture of family" becomes the centerpiece of worship, not just for parents, but for children, too.


He makes some good points in #3 and #4, but there are still subtle undertones of religious addiction and a desire to "eat the meat and spit out the bones". It's difficult to take his commentary on #5, Depending on Formulas, to heart if he won't go to the lengths to give us an example. What does he consider formulaic? Courtship? Betrothal? The "21 rules of this house"? VERY few Christian homeschoolers consider courtship to be a formula, for instance. If my emails are any indication, courtship's proponents certainly don't consider it a formula. He needs to be specific for it to have any real teeth.


In #6, Over-Dependence on Authority and Control, it's clear that he doesn't get it at all. "Over-dependence" isn't even remotely the problem. ANY level of dependence on authority and control, where adults are concerned, is the problem. The entire authority/submission concept is the problem. He's just not quite ready to really treat the disease...


Solomon set for us a great example of balanced parenting - he admonished his young adult children and gave them commandments, but he knew that for them to honor his commands he needed their hearts. That's why he said, "My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways" (Prov 23:26). 


He, and the Christian homeschooling movement at large, misses the key element in any modern handling of the Proverbs (a book they'll beat you over the head with in a second) - Solomon's children (and Solomon's greater audience) had no access to the Holy Spirit. We do. If under the New Covenant we all have access to the Spirit of God, with the veil that separated us being torn, why continue to live as if it's still in place, hoping to hold the "hearts of our children", rather than pointing them to God and letting Him hold their hearts? His approach leaves no room for the Holy Spirit.


In #7, he once again attacks a symptom while ignoring the disease. "Over-Reliance on Sheltering". He needs to drop the "Over". He says...

In the last five years I have heard countless reports of highly sheltered homeschool children who grew up and abandoned their parents' values. Some of these children were never allowed out of their parents' sight and were not permitted to be in any kind of group setting, even with other "like-minded" kids, yet they still managed to develop an appetite for the world's pleasures.


Based on what he's saying there, it's pretty obvious that he views any adult child who doesn't share an identical value system with his or her parents as having "developed appetites for the world's pleasures". The disease is rearing it's head (his own religious addiction and Holy Spirit-less mindset), but he's only looking at a symptom. In this paragraph...

Protecting from temptations and corrupting influences is part of raising children. Every parent shelters to one degree or another. All parents shelter - they just draw their lines in different places.Protecting our children is not only a natural response of paternal love, but fulfills the commands of God. The Scriptures are clear that we are to make no provision for our flesh (Rom 13:14) and are to avoid all corrupting influences (2 Cor 6:17-7:1). It warns us that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33) and that those who spend too much time with bad people may learn their ways (Prov 22:24-25) and suffer for it (Prov 13:20). Just as our Father in heaven will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear (1 Cor 10:13), we rightly keep our children out of situations they will lack the moral strength to handle. Young children are weak and we are to protect the weak (1 Thes 5:12).

...he's feeding his addiction, being pretty rigid, yet trying to appear fluid. What he describes here...

Growing up isolated from temptation can develop a child who appears spiritually strong, but the appearance is not reality. When I was in college I moved to northern California to live for a summer in a Christian commune. I was somewhat isolated from the world and surrounded by an amazing support system of my fellow "Jesus people." I remember feeling so full of faith, so committed to holiness, and so in love with God that summer. However, the "spirituality" I felt and the level of holiness I achieved was not real and could not endure testing. At the end of summer I returned to college in Southern California and discovered that I had not developed true spiritual muscles - when faced with temptation I fell flat on my face every time. The communal environment, isolated from significant temptation, had not prepared me for the battle I would face in the world. 

...is an example of spiritual addiction, having gotten his fix, which turned out to be of little substance because he couldn't, and apparently still can't, discern between the use of religion as a numbing agent and a genuine pursuit of the truth of and intimacy with God.

Valid spiritual growth required that I face temptation and develop the capacity to resist it, which eventually I did.

That's a true statement and a good point. It's just not one which is backed up by the use of an anecdote about personal religious addiction.


On #8...

In the same way, we may have started off years ago with a simple, undefiled faith, but the more we got caught up in all the "works" of intense parenting, the more we moved away from a simple faith contagious to our children. It is critical for our sake, let alone for our children, that we enjoy a life-giving faith in Christ with no religious trappings added to it.

Dominionism, which has always been the core of the push behind the Christian homeschooling movement, has never had a "simple, undefiled faith". As long as the dominionist agenda is behind the family belief system, there'll be no simple, undefiled faith to model and pass on to future generations. Dominionism IS a religious trapping, and Bradley never gets anywhere near addressing it.


While I can appreciate the intent of #9, it seems like the outline of an Old Covenant religious relationship between parents and their children.




Again, ANY step away from most of the ideas in Christian homeschooling is a good step. That said, I really don't expect much at all to come from Bradley's article. Until the Christian homeschooling community recognizes (and then shows a genuine willingness to treat) it's true disease - the fact that it left the Holy Spirit at a truckstop somewhere thousands of miles away several decades ago - and actually gives place to the Holy Spirit, not just in the lives of the children, but in the parents, there'll be no real significant progress away from it's legalistic nature. If the Holy Spirit can teach, let Him. Why indoctrinate? 


The veil was torn. No more human mediators. When I hear one of them say THAT, I'll perk up. 



33 comments:

  1. That last line is awesome. To me, that is the whole crux of the battle versus legalism - are people truly free to follow the Spirit for themselves?

    Personally, I am optimistic about where Bradley is going, though I agree with you that he is certainly not all the way there yet. We need people in the homeschooling commmunity who are willing to stand up and say "look, we were wrong - we've got to change". I think that Bradley is on the way to freedom, though he still has some blindspots.

    Blessings,

    Ben

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  2. I am depressed (again) to realize (again) how much the new "Christian Homeschooling Movement" really is simply an articulation of the same less-obviously stated ideals that governed my fairly mainstream Evangelical churches. We weren't "the lunatic fringe" of Christianity by any standard but just as fundamentalist, legalist, addicted, anti-independent thinking as anything in the last 30 years. Every single one of the points you list at the top of the post was present in my family and in the churches where my father ministered long before the Movement exploded with buzzwords and gurus and multimillion dollar parachurch propaganda mills. Just because mainstream Christianity doesn't dress it women in frumpers and demand that every home grind its own wheat, don't think that its secret vision of righteousness isn't exactly the same. Just because someone isn't falling down drunk every night, he can still be an alcoholic. Addiction dressed up and functional is still addiction.

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  3. I knew there was stuff I couldn't quite put my finger on, but you pointed it out all quite well! I agree with Ben, above, that says Bradley is on the way, but he still has some blindspots himself.

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  4. Ok...Looks like comments are working again...fingers crossed.

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  5. AMEN!!! You articulate things so well Lewis.

    Jim Berg (the spiritual guru of BJU who's written a couple books that they over-rely on) actually teaches that people who preach too much about the holy spirit are dangerous. So, not only do they teach that the veil isn't torn, but they demonize anyone who points out the obvious flaw in their theology.

    -Charity

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  6. When I read the original article my thought was also that the real problem was that they left out the Holy Spirit. I keep coming back to that in my own life as well... that no matter what I do, I need Jesus in and through it. I can't make up rules or form habits that mean anything if it's in my own strength.

    I'm glad you pointed this out, but I feel the need to point something out as well... God is greater and bigger than the ideologies of parenting or how someone is raised. While homeschoolers can act (or believe outright) that the Holy Spirit cannot overcome and work in their child's life if that child is in a public school, please don't make a similar mistake by believing that the Holy Spirit cannot overcome and work in the lives of those people who do homeschool (or any other thing that you disagree with.)

    My parents were public school teachers and I was homeschooled and my husband went to a public school.. my own father tended towards controlling and my husbands father was abusive so I've seen some different angles to this issue and been apart of bad as well as good decisions by our parents, and all I can say for sure in all of it is that Jesus is bigger than it all and IN all of it He should be our goal. Choices on how to parent or where to send our kids or how much we should try to influence their lives when they are adults ALL should be done through the leading of the Holy Spirit.

    My caution is simply to not go too far the other way and put God in a box with your own rules and beliefs about what you think parents should or should not do. ... I'm simply saying that if we focus on trusting God and listening to the Holy Spirit and walking with Him as first in our lives then we will be in the right place. I could look back at my own life and see where my parents failed and react to THAT or I can focus on where God wants me to be now and simply keep listening to Him and trusting Him in my every day life no matter where he leads me (which church or location or school or parenting style or anything...) We all have weaknesses and tendencies and you've seen some extreme examples of abuse and control in some people that homeschool (among other things), but because of that it could be easy for you to label homeschooling (or something) as bad in and of itself when it is merely a tool. Just as the temperance movement blamed alcohol for the drunken brawls and banned alcohol... yet, was it the alcohol that was the problem? No, it was mans' sinfulness. What is the cure for mans' sinfulness? Jesus. That's it.

    So, democratic vs. republican public/private vs. homeschooling attachment parenting vs. detached parenting styles and so on and so on can be good to a certain extent, but be totally ruined by our own sinfulness and evil tendencies. What is the cure? Jesus. The Holy Spirit renewing our hearts and making us "born again" in our spirit.

    Please do point out what the original article didn't make clear enough, but be careful to not make the same mistake they did in the opposite extreme.

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  7. Yes, yes, very good thoughts! :-) Choice, personal responsibility, a personal relationship with God, grace, not having to be a substitute holy spirit or rely on another person as a mediator between God and me. I know for me that sometimes I take my ideals of personal responsibility too far and assume that I am the "cause" of other people's choices, even though intellectually I know that isn't true. And it can go either way when you start trying to take responsibility for others instead of yourself! Parents think they are responsible for the choices their adult children make and the adult children think they are responsible for how their parents respond to their choices. "Well, this is going to make my parents feel bad, so maybe I should defer to them; it's not that big of a deal." Or from a parent's perspective, "What did I do to my kid that led to their choice in this?"

    Obviously we do have personal responsibility for our choices and on some level it's good to be considerate of others, especially in how we interact with them (which obviously would include seeking to be a good parent, child, whatever, just not in the terms that everyone necessarily assumes), but if we don't acknowledge their ability to make their own choices (which includes how they respond to the things we do), I don't think we'll be in a position where we can even extend grace to them. It's really hard to extend grace to someone for something you think is your fault. :-P

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  8. @Lynne...

    While homeschoolers can act (or believe outright) that the Holy Spirit cannot overcome and work in their child's life if that child is in a public school, please don't make a similar mistake by believing that the Holy Spirit cannot overcome and work in the lives of those people who do homeschool (or any other thing that you disagree with.)

    The Christian homeschooling movement, as a whole, doesn't acknowledge the Holy Spirit AT ALL. The Spirit can't work in an environment which operates as if the veil of the Temple is still in place and a human mediator is needed. Living as if the veil is still in place negates everything Christ is meant to be as our High Priest. You can't follow the leading of the Spirit if you sew up the veil.

    My caution is simply to not go too far the other way and put God in a box with your own rules and beliefs about what you think parents should or should not do.

    I haven't that I'm aware of.

    We all have weaknesses and tendencies and you've seen some extreme examples of abuse and control in some people that homeschool (among other things), but because of that it could be easy for you to label homeschooling (or something) as bad in and of itself when it is merely a tool.

    I've no problem with homeschooling, or with Christians who homeschool. I've a HUGE problem with the Christian homeschooling movement and industry. It's rotten to the core. The dominionists/hyper-fundamentalists have, by and large, taken it over. Well-intentioned parents should be warned and aware.

    Please do point out what the original article didn't make clear enough, but be careful to not make the same mistake they did in the opposite extreme.

    I don't think I have. I don't promote any particular religious dogma or any particular socio-political agenda. The only real extreme I've gone to, as opposed to the people on the other side of these issues, is that I don't sell anything.

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  9. Thank you, thank you, thank you, a thousand times: THANK YOU.
    My thoughts exactly. I have a lot of friends who got excited about this, but I was very wary, mainly given the main person who reposted this (Harris). I don't know much about Bradley, but I also gave him the benefit of the doubt regarding his sincerity. From what I saw of his website, he very well may be.
    By anyway, while he began with some excellent points, I too caught the undertones of bondage. For example, the part about his son wanting a tattoo (or was it just wanting to change his hair?). Nothing is wrong with either of those things! But the implies message was that those things were sinful, and the only reason his son had pursued those things was to be like those who accepted him. Bradley said something along the lines of that he should have been less judgmental of his son. But that was so that his son wouldn't want "worldly" things. I felt like his point was to build a more "accepting" and "gracious" environment to prevent those things. And while I think that accepting, relaxed and gracious is the best way to parent, the fruit Bradley and others are still expecting excludes anything that they believe is "worldly." And so here we are again, with another formula and expectations based on wrong ideas of "godly."

    -Amy

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  10. It seems that there are some areas that people feel free to critique because it appears as if they've identified what goes wrong in the families whose children fall away, while in fact, it does not point to any particular needed change. It emphasizes "over-___" as the problem, and thus does not condemn the practice as a whole. It's like situations in which the Pearls blame parents whose observance of their teachings on spanking leads to harm and even death on the parents taking it too far, rather than on their teachings. In essence, "the teachings are fine- you're just doing it wrong."

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  11. @Sandra...

    Addiction dressed up and functional is still addiction.

    Great point.

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  12. I would like to find time (won't be this year or next) to compare Christian homeschooling to extremist Muslim male "education." I think we'd see shocking similarities.

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  13. Is this the same guy who acted as a religious counselor to the Schatz's while they were awaiting trial for murdering their daughter?

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  14. Sandra--
    "Just because mainstream Christianity doesn't dress it women in frumpers and demand that every home grind its own wheat, don't think that its secret vision of righteousness isn't exactly the same. Just because someone isn't falling down drunk every night, he can still be an alcoholic."

    Yes! This still describes these churches, today. I am so glad we finally left our evangelical church (I was ready to leave before my husband was, but that's a different story). I have to tell you, you have worded well what I'm trying to say every time I pipe up here about so-called complementarianism. Thank you.

    Worship of their particular understanding of scripture, scripture used as a rule book/checklist, the denial of the full humanity of girls and women, and more...
    Michelle

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  15. Thank you for another brilliant post, Lewis! Kudos from this home schooling mom who is also a Christian. When home schooling is about your religion rather than your children's education, it's poison.

    The entire "Christian" home schooling movement is WRONG! Home schooling is for learning, not indoctrination. Everyone who makes it about indoctrination is on the wrong track, and that, in my experience as the only reason Christian home school support groups exist: to encourage others to make religious indoctrination the foundation of their home "education" program. They encourage one another that they are all such great parents and wonderful Christians and share media and tips for being even better at being the best! It's the very reason that excess is leading to more excess, as everyone wants peer approval for being the most Christiany Christian home school family EVER!

    And the kids who didn't meet expectations? Well that kid is the problem, not the movement.

    And it is in ALL the Christian home school groups! I don't think Karen Campbell is any better than Reb Bradley. If they are making a "ministry" out of encouraging parents to make religion the cornerstone of their home "education" program, be suspicious!

    I have always maintained that I love Jesus and will always love Jesus no matter whether I became a parent or not. That is a major part of my life, and you can't live with me and not know that. Any Christian parent whose faith is beautiful and important to them will radiate that faith all day, every day. It is complete overkill in the Christian home school competition.

    On the other hand, before they separated from the rest of the home education world, home school support groups were about education. Now it is hard going to find one that is not centered on religious posturing.

    But they do exist, and I hope that inclusive groups grow in power and number in the future. All kinds of educational options need to be open to parents in our rapidly changing world. I just hope the Christian home schoolers don't stink so bad that the public reaction results in no home schooling at all. That would be tragic.

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  16. I was hoping you'd comment on this. It went around my family and I could hardly respond because I had such a strong angry reaction. Of course, everything he says is basically right, but to me that's great evidence why the whole thing is fruit of the poisonous tree. Yet, there he is not questioning the basic assumption.

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  17. shadowspring, I think in some aspects that Karen Campbell and people like her are worse because they know better and they pretend that they are not a part of a movement they really are a part of.

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  18. Spot on. The focus on the Holy Spirit is exactly what's missing.

    People who preach that people who preach too much about the Holy Spirit are dangerous are dangerous.

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  19. {CLA} {CLA} {CLA} :-P

    GRRRR. This part of that link makes me mad. Reb Bradley still has it wrong.

    MASSIVELY WRONG.

    >> The reason our son wanted to adorn himself like his work associates, was because they accepted him for who he was. He wanted to fit in with those who made him feel significant. He wanted to be like those who gave him a sense of identity.

    Ok, no problem with that. That's normal.

    >> The problem wasn't one that could be solved by extended sheltering - he could have been sheltered until he was 30 and he still would have been vulnerable.

    And who's fault is it that he was vulnerable at 16? Earlier he says "we were scared" and he wondered whether or not they could let him go out into the world. OY VEY! HE WAS 16!!! IN TWO YEARS he'd be legally required to go out into the world! If he's vulnerable at 16, parents have messed up in the training. Parents were insecure as the child! If children were software, we'd be doing beta testing before the child turns 14! Google would be doing beta testing at age 12! Release testing starts at 16 with a driver's license! Final release happens at 18 and there ain't no more testing!

    >> The problem was that we had sent our son into the world insecure in who he was.

    NO. The problem is that they didn't raise him with security before then. Were the parents dropped on their heads as children?

    >> He went into the world with a hole in his heart that God had wanted to fill through his parents.

    HECK NO! The parents are the ones with a hole! In their head!

    Insert euphamisms here. NO. NO. NO. Not a "hole... God had wanted to fill through his parents". NO WAY. NO parent can do that. No freaking way. This author has the WHOLE THING STILL WRONG. Parents are charged by God to RAISE their children to be sent out into the world and all across the God-damned world. And yes, I said what I said because God really has condemned this world. Reb has "PARENTING FAIL" written all over him.

    UGH. I could say more but.... GAH! ARGH! Some people need a sign like we use in software... it's not "Work In Progress", it's "Moron In Progress"

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  20. " The only real extreme I've gone to, as opposed to the people on the other side of these issues, is that I don't sell anything. "

    Well.. you could always market some bobble-heads, dartboards, tee shirts, autographed photos. The possibilities are endless! :)

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  21. Karen Campbell has done an amazing service for the homeschooling community and Christianity at large by her advocacy of grace-based parenting and her fight against patriocentricity. I believe that God raises voices wherever He wills for those who are able to listen. There are many within homeschooling circles who respect Karen's message and will hear what she has to say, whereas they may not listen to me or Lewis or any other number of writers. Another voice I am thankful for is Libby Anne from her feminism site. She is able to talk about patriarchy and her experience from a viewpoint much needed. Of course not everyone will agree with everything Libby Anne, Karen, myself, Lewis, or others write...and that's ok. I don't mean to speak for them but I think they would agree that we all have or have had a message to share and must remain faithful to what we've been given. We may not speak the language of all, but we definitely speak the language of some. Thank God for all these voices! :D

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  22. @Jim...The dartboards might actually sell;)

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  23. > Well.. you could always market some bobble-heads, dartboards, tee shirts, autographed photos. The possibilities are endless! :)

    T-Shirt: "I SURVIVED FUNDY MOUNTAIN!"

    I'm not even gonna' touch the dartboards...

    @Hillary -- well said. You are very gracious.

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  24. Blogger ate my post! Ack!

    So, more hurriedly, this is brilliant, semperfid:

    " If children were software, we'd be doing beta testing before the child turns 14! Google would be doing beta testing at age 12! Release testing starts at 16 with a driver's license! Final release happens at 18 and there ain't no more testing!"

    heh heh We begin release testing on our youngest here on Monday.

    @ Hillary,

    I love you Hillary, but I disagree. The entire "Christian" home schooling movement has done nothing but cause heartache and division in the home school community since they started separating and forming their own groups/conventions/textbook industry in the late 1980s.

    Christian home school support groups are just one big re-creation of public high school for the parents. They all want to be honored for their Christian homes. Being the most Christiany is what wins the peer approval they exist to dole out. Education is not the priority for these "support" groups- being the most Christiany gets the prize, and the competion to out-Christian one another is what led to this whole problem.

    Further, complementarian ideology Karen and her kind teach is responsible for the high rate of divorce among evangelicals. Patriarchy-Lite is not as obviously damaging, but that doesn't make it more dangerous.

    Finally, if one even questions any of the pet doctrines the "Christian" home school leaders hold dear, and they are unable to refute that person, they find ways to marginalize that voice. This includes shunning by fiat or more subtle methods of social ostracization. Christian home school support groups have no reason for being other than to provide a place for the moms in power to pat each other on the back.

    And pity the kid born with homosexual attractions, or the Aspie girl who is grossed out by little kids, or the child with the undiagnosed learning disability or the child with anxiety disorder, or the artsy child who thinks black and red are fascinatingly beautiful together. Christian home school "support" groups will quickly find reason to marginalize these families, and in many cases will just ask them to leave.

    No, I have fourteen years experience with the home schooling community; nine of those years in the Christian home schooling community. I can't in good conscience say anything positive about it.

    So, finally, at Katy-Anne: Agree!

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  25. Ooops! This sentence:

    "Patriarchy-Lite is not as obviously damaging, but that doesn't make it more dangerous."
    should be written,
    " Patriarchy-Lite is not as obviously damaging, but that doesn't make it LESS dangerous."

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  26. "hoping to hold the "hearts of our children", rather than pointing them to God and letting Him hold their hearts?"

    That. Right there.

    There is a lot of fear and self-importance to walk through in respect to being a parent. It is a humbling, bittersweet realization that if I died today, God could raise my kids just fine without me.

    I -am- hoping that Bradley is setting a foot on the right path and not heading down another false path. Only time will tell though.

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  27. Thanks, Lewis. I've been lurking on your blog for the past month or so. I was homeschooled, and hope to teach my kids at home, so appreciate the food for thought you provided. Keep up the good work! Elisa

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  28. @shadowspring--Yes! So-called complementarianism may seem like an attractive alternative to some more obviously extreme beliefs, but in reality, it is very damaging, and I say that as someone who married one who was raised in that environment.

    @Hillary--This is why I don't understand your recommendation of Elijah Ministries as a "balanced alternative" for men who need healing. The "complementarian" view that this group seems to promote is patriarchy in sheeps' clothing...

    Michelle

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  29. Hi Michelle,

    I am familiar with the writings of Norm Wakefield and some of his family. I have not seen anything that seems to indicate that he doesn't advocate the importance of allowing the Holy Spirit to lead a family.

    Humbly,
    Hillary

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  30. As we are called to live the Word and embody it, we apply the Truth as we face the unique zeitgeist of our day. We do well to look at those who came before us to learn from there mistakes, as Paul tells the Church at Corinth that we should learn from the errors of the Israelites in the wilderness. But we also cannot merely read another's script but must follow the Spirit, a script that may work well for them but may not be where God wants us to go. There are many throughout the history of mankind who find that hard to accept. The most basic human reaction to this comes through moralizing our own way and demoralizing those we see as competition or threat.

    As Jesus pointed out through so many timeless parables, we are creatures that seek novelty which we create if not readily found. We seek to be distinct from those who came before us, though sometimes novelty sends us back through the archives to find that which makes us look new and novel. (Note that the Apostle Paul directs us back to “grace-based parenting” as is taught in the loving kindness of the Old Testament, having nothing to do with the commandment of men through a particular systematic theology.) We tend to gather with those who are more like us, partly for survival in certain seasons, but partly because we tend to be liked and wrongly find our worth in liking. We tend to seek power, and to some degree, we would like to gain our corner of the world to affirm who we are and enjoy those benefits. We tend toward spiritual pride and elitism. We tend to love money. We tend to be careless when we stand. We tend to stumble and fall. We tend to defer to authority which seems to holds things in common with us.

    Because our minds build frameworks to make sense of the world and find meaning in it (significance), we tend to build systems of worship that work for us which we often like to share with others. It is in our nature to work all that concerns us into a cohesive system, and we can get tricked into believing that our system is superior or the only way for all, for all time. We can do so rightly or wrongly which depends on circumstances that always change. Throw the individuality factor in there, as the Holy Spirit may convict one man to refrain from meat sacrificed to idols, but another might be convicted that he has liberty to eat it and glorify God for meeting his needs. And what was right yesterday may be wrong today or tomorrow, and then we have to be busy about tearing down the idols that we make of yesterdays ideas, painfully stretching forth our hands in faith when they become withered with yesterday's toils.

    The conditions and times always change. What does not change is the new commandment that Jesus gave us to love one another as He has loved us and to be known by that love, despite what we have in common and despite iron sharpening iron. Though it takes some practice for most of us, we are called to be compassionate with those who are weaker or those who are on a different page than we are in the process of faith. We need to work towards being full of Him and less of us. We need to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who have used us for their own gain. It doesn't mean that we need to lie about what has transpired, but we should attend to love, too. None of us get that right all the time, and what is easy for us may be difficult for others. We generally get wounded along the way in the homes of those we counted friends. Love, pray, forgive, bless, forbear one another in love. Pray for mercy and growth for those who do not, because we are all messed up in our unique ways from which God heals us a little every day on His time table. But you don't have to sell the truth, either, and none of that gets by God unseen. (Know that I weep with all of you.) But be off good cheer, for through the help of the Holy Spirit, we can transcend the trappings.

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  31. The scariest thing to me was Bradley's reference to Israel's "sin" in not annihilating the "pagans" from Canaan. Given the hs/dominionist BAD THEOLOGICAL comparison of Israel with America, and some of their extremist views towards homosexuals and immigrants, I think we should all be worried, given their political agenda. Unbelievably fascist.

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  32. GGGGRRRR!

    Just went back to the article linked here. "A. Hurting Parent" is freaking stuck in denial.

    Pisses me off that so many parents think that just because they tried to do their best, that they get a "get out of jail free" card.

    A commenter by the name of "A. Hurting Parent" totally played the victim card on the article.

    Scariest thing about being or becoming a parent is having as much influence in a child's life as a parent has and knowing how much as a parent we are responsible for. Kids are only free to choose as they grow in maturity as we train them to be.

    I applaud Reb Bradley for noticing issues he made mistakes in. I applaud him for taking mature steps towards responsibility on those issues and using the platform he has to make amends this way and to warn and help others not to make the same mistakes. He is far from perfect, he made some scary statements like "holding my child's heart", but he has done more than my parents have, and that's take responsibility for at least some of his own damn faults!

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  33. "He, and the Christian homeschooling movement at large, misses the key element in any modern handling of the Proverbs (a book they'll beat you over the head with in a second) - Solomon's children (and Solomon's greater audience) had no access to the Holy Spirit. We do. If under the New Covenant we all have access to the Spirit of God, with the veil that separated us being torn, why continue to live as if it's still in place, hoping to hold the "hearts of our children", rather than pointing them to God and letting Him hold their hearts? His approach leaves no room for the Holy Spirit."

    THAT is what I've been saying for so long! My fundy, stay-at-home-daughters/P/QF friends look at me like I have two heads when I proclaim that my daughters, when grown, will (hopefully) do whatever the Lord, by His Spirit, leads them to do. I have no idea what that is, but I pray they are strong enough in Him to do it with or without my approval.

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