The Wonderlic for Fools

I came across this "Fool" test elsewhere today. It ranks somewhere between the O.J.Simpson trial and the inexplicable career of Buddy Hackett on my personal Ridiculous Meter. Thirteen questions very manipulatively meticulously constructed to help you determine if you really are a fool. I didn't submit answers. Given the slant, I was afraid I might make the internet spontaneously combust.


Here are a few choice samples...


Q: How do you respond when criticized/corrected?


And your multiple choice answers...


1. I hate it! I get angry and defensive.
2. I usually laugh it off. (Sometimes I roll my eyes.)
3. If I get criticized for the same thing enough times, I usually start to take it seriously..
4. I’m thankful for the smallest hint of reproof and take it very seriously.


Seems to me the wise answer to such a question would read something like "I consider the criticism and its source. If after consideration it proves to have substantive merit, I make changes. If it proves to have no merit, I don't pay any attention to it." But, an answer like that is nowhere to be found among the alternatives on this test. What I see in this test is a lot of 3 outrageous or morally deficient answers, and 1 answer that fits perfectly within the neo-conservative, patriarchal, SAHD culture.


Another example...


Q: I like to talk: (-I suppose that's more of a scene-setter than an actual question)


And the answers you get to choose from...


1. ...a LOT. (At least, that’s what people tell me.)
2. ...more than I like to listen.
3. ...if there is an opportunity to show off what I know.
4. ...discreetly; I don’t need to let everyone know what I think or what I know.


An answer like "...when there's a conversation I find interesting or stimulating" obviously isn't sufficient. The irony is, #4 is obviously the "correct" answer, but given some of the ventures these women have undertaken, and given some things they're planning, #3 would seem to be much more applicable, although much of what they talk about, and have plans to talk about, they actually know very little about, only parroting their indoctrination.


One more sample...


Q: People come to me:


Your possible answers...


1. To have a fun time and good laugh
2. To hear the latest dirt on so-and-so
3. For companionship in their silliness/discontent/rebellion/immaturity/etc.
4. To get wise counsel, sympathy, words of life or encouragement


Wow. Uptight much? I could have a field day with the gold mine of potential sarcasm in that one. The thing most evident in this test, specifically this question, is the static nature in which these women view human interaction. It's not like all encounters with others happen under the same conditions or same circumstances. Not every encounter or minute of life happens on a level playing field. For instance, if someone's had a rough day, and thinks I'm a humorous guy, they might come to me as a matter of answer #1. Let's say someone does actually just want to have a good time, so they come by the house to watch Dumb and Dumber with me. #1 and parts of #3 might apply, although "silliness", which Dumb and Dumber is (and hilariously so), doesn't necessarily equate to  "discontent", "immaturity", or that dreaded nemesis "rebellion". Geez. After the first three, #4 feels like a funeral - and it's the obvious "correct" answer for the wise person. At least this test will tell you so. No slanting there.






I've come up with my own question. It follows the general pattern of their test, and would probably fit in really well somewhere between questions 4 and 10. Here goes...


Q: At a busy intersection, a little old lady asks for your assistance in crossing the street. You respond by:


1. Stealing her purse.
2. Screaming "You b@#$%!" and going all "Spider Monkey" on her.
3. Telling her, "Cross it yourself. It's not like you've got all that much longer to live, anyway."
4. Edifying her by thanking her for being a submissive "Titus 2" woman, then finding a male spiritual head to consider and handle her request.


Sorry. I just couldn't promote the patriarchal paradigm by including "helping her across the street" as a possible answer. Thank you for understanding.