For My Critics

[the courtship piece riled up quite a few people - and since they don't seem to want to pay attention to the obvious (like that big link right above this that says "New? Confused? Angry at the content?...Click here"), here we go]



...a few things for you to consider.


I don't do disclaimers, so consider this a "claimer". I'm OWNING what I write.


First and foremost, I really don't care that you oppose my writing. It's foolish of you to believe I'd give any serious thought to shutting things down here just because you don't agree with it. Foolish may not even be a strong enough word.


{CLA}If you're gonna come at me with every cliche from the fundamentalist's handbook, and every tired, old, predictable argument that I've heard repeatedly since beginning this blog, you're being annoying, not compelling. You write with such conviction and passion, thinking your NEXT argument will be the one that sets me straight. It won't be. I may very well NEED to be set straight, but your argument won't do it. I've done this long enough now that I know what your argument will be before you offer it. Your argument is just the same old recycled BS tune coming out of a different radio. When I hear things like "going to the opposite extreme", and "pendelums swinging all the way to the left", and "learning to respect authority", and "it isn't your right to judge anyone!" (I particularly love that one when it comes in the course of me being judged up and down), and "you need to move past all of this", and arguments about "societal decay", and of course my all-time favorite "You're throwing the...", err, you know the rest, I just tune you out and find another station, because frankly, you're full of religious bullshit and can't even begin to see it. I've seen what the BS you believe and live actually DOES to people - and not just to me. Your arguments sound like those of one of this blog's biggest fans - Stacy McDonald. Like you, she self-servingly wants people like me to stop writing about the legalistic fusterclucks her teachings create, hoping I'll heal, move on past these sins and evils, and no longer keep this kind of thing in the spotlight.


One person even suggested to me today that they'd chosen "the center" - fundamentalist religious homeschooling, courtship, et cetera. This person genuinely believes this is "the center" of the Christian faith. "Fundamentalist" alone pushes a belief system well beyond the extreme right (being termed a "fundamentalist group" isn't a compliment anywhere except in fundamentalist land - "radical" usually isn't too far behind it), but to a religious addict, it's "the center". Go figure.


ETA: The fact alone that someone would look at the issues I write about in terms of "right and left" belies any claims of not being legalistic and sociopolitically charged at the core. These are issues of doing right and wrong by other people.


Another suggested I was wrong in assuming that the girl in the blog I linked was homeschooled. Seriously. And all this time I didn't know that my faith required me to be stupid and ignore the obvious. I mean, it was just ridiculous. If that person is reading, I tell you what - should it turn out that my conclusion about her being homeschooled is ever proven offbase, I'll make a very public apology to her personally and here on the blog. I give you my word on that. What do you genuinely think the odds are that I'll have to do that? That's right...so shut up about it.


If this blog were about revenge, I'd have just headed west a while back and handled things Buford T. Pusser style (and trust me that I've been angry enough to), so save that argument for someone who gives a crap.


Frankly, I think a TON of well-intentioned people prove to be gullible when they hear things like "godly" and "biblical", they bite at the bait of doing things better and "more godly" than that "mean old world", the hook gets set, and they're reeled in and connected to movements that they really have NO clue about. They'd hate to know that the fundamentalist religious sect which is taking over the "Christian" homeschooling industry has ties to all kinds of seedy sociopolitical elements. Christian reconstructionism and dominionism, quiverfull as a means to take over the country by sheer force of numbers via "multi-generational faithfulness" and "200 year plans", return to OT biblical law (stonings, anyone?), some with connections to kinism and the League of the South - believing that slavery was just and biblical. All kinds of madness. And whackadoodles like this Ken Ham nutjob trying to prevent opposing opinions from presenting their materials at major homeschooling conventions. This is where much of your homeschooling dollar ends up when you go the religious route.


Not ALL of the providers of homeschooling material, from a Christian perspective, are total nutjobs. The folk at Sonlight, from my understanding, try to give parents some balanced options and aren't out to indoctrinate a generation of SuperChristian dominionists. It's also my understanding that the whackadoodle elements are trying to keep Sonlight material out of these conventions, too, so maybe that'll tell you something.


The most important thing for you to consider: It isn't my fault that you've made poor or legalistic lifestyle choices, that you choose to purposely be naive about them, or that your true faith is in those lifestyle choices. Nor is it my obligation to change what I write to shine a better light on your poor decisions.


Now, with the courtship issue, most of the offense was taken by people who don't even claim to go about courtship in the manner I spoke of (even though I don't think they were totally honest about the dynamics of it, nor did they want to be), yet they took offense to this statement...


If you practice or promote "courtship", you've either willfully chosen to be ignorant and an emotional moron, or you've been forced to be ignorant and an emotional moron.


...courtship as in parent-controlled, emotions are evil and magically controlled courtship. You'd think that would be an easy distinction, that is, if people weren't looking to be offended and weren't only searching for offensive material here, rather than reading all material relevant to the conversation before blabbering away about what a terrible, angry man I am. In the P/QF dynamic, children ARE raised to be distrustful of their hearts, to view their emotions as the gateway to evil, usually taught that emotions are off-limits until after a marriage, rendering them purposefully moronic about their emotions. That's why I included the literal definition of the word in the piece - acting notably stupid and showing poor judgement. The second generation doesn't have a choice, but the 1st generation did, and shame on them for raising their kids to be so disadvantaged. Regardless of assurances to the contrary based on their own depictions, they seemed more comfortable offended and preferred to view themselves as having been called morons by me. Hey, it's a free country, and if you want to accept the title of moron, don't let me stop you from showing me what's what.


Don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY of other issues with courtship - its lack of SELF-control, shifting responsibilities to third parties, et cetera - but I haven't attached the words "moron" or "moronic" to those things (on this blog - I have used "moronic" elsewhere), even though the definitions very well fit. I'd prefer to call that aspect of it legalistic, irresponsible, and immature. I stand firmly and immovably by those terms.


I was called all sorts of things today, from a cult leader, to any number of other unsavory characterizations. Trust me when I say I've been called worse. What bugged me today was when a person who didn't have a freakin' clue about much of anything she was talking about suggested that what I write isn't intended to help anyone. That was crossing a pretty definitive line for me, and if that person's reading this, I can assure you that I won't show similar restraint if such an idea is brokered again. I give you my word on that. 


As to emotional morons, check this out. (thanks to Sarah for sharing this link on the Water Cooler)


Those photos aren't of a wedding. Those photos aren't of an engagement. Those photos are a religious sickness manifesting in the beginning of a freakin' courtship. Those two kids are the victims of this BS. That's obviously SO much better than dating, No pressure there at all (SA). Yeah, you guys are right. I need to just "move past all of this" and stop writing about crap like that. You see, I KNOW the hell either one of those two kids will live through if they determine to choose a path other than the one laid out for them by their parents. My advice to you would be to pull your heads out of your rectum and acknowledge the fringe groups you're aligning yourselves with, even if unwittingly.


Legalism is legalism. People get hurt by it. If you insist on keeping one foot firmly planted in it, you're always gonna find something here you don't like, so have a hot cup of shut up and find another blog to annoy enjoy, one that'll blow satisfactory amounts of smoke up your rear ends concerning your lifestyle choices.


If you wanna stay mad at me, just take a number.