Here are some more questions I've received via email. These are more personal in nature. Some of the questions are paraphrased as many times I'm asked the same questions in different wording. Again, this piece isn't spiritual or theological, but purely personal. Here goes...
Where have you been?
Well, real life seems to happen despite this blog. I've been caught up in it's clutches. Some family members are going through some trying times. On top of this, I've been attempting to lay the groundwork for a move (both for personal and professional reasons). As a result, I've spent the better part of a month out of state. As life continues to happen, I may not be writing with the same frequency here (although I plan to pick up the pace a bit from where it's been for the last couple of months). I've been a little slower than usual in responding to emails, but I promise to respond when and if people write to me, even if it takes me a day or two. I welcome communication as always.
Do you still love your ex-fiancee?
Yes. Deeply. But...while I respect her and her family as part of God's creation, I have no respect for them as people. They haven't earned it and don't deserve it. I also have no trust, whatsoever, in her or any of them. I pity her.
Can you ever forgive her?
Yes. She hasn't asked for my forgiveness, however, so I don't sit around and beat myself up over any perceived "bitterness".
Would you ever take her back?
Are her family members really Christians?
They're very religious - and that's not a compliment. Beyond that, I really don't know. They'll lie through their teeth
How are you holding up?
I'd be lying if I told you that it doesn't all still hurt, and sometimes that hurt is still to the bone. I feel as though a happy, fulfilling future with a woman I loved relentlessly was stolen from me by a group of people obsessed with goofy, legalistic, and quite obviously destructive beliefs. I lost a lot beyond just the relationship, too. None of it was my own doing.
All in all, it's better now than it was 6 months ago, and 6 months before that, and so on. Grieving is a process. Remember, in my situation, it's MUCH more like she suddenly died than just a relationship breaking up. She suddenly became unreachable and has remained unreachable. Total dysfunction, and for me, in the first few days and weeks, total emotional chaos.
Stupid, stupid, destructive people.
Why don't you respect her father's freedom to choose his belief and lifestyle?
As long as innocent people are needlessly hurt and oppressed, I'll continue to respect his freedom to choose his own path without retribution as much as he respects the freedom of his own grown children to pursue their own path without retribution. Pressed down, shaken together, good measure. The same goes for all P/QF and Dominionist types.
Will you ever enter another relationship?
Probably not. I'm really not too keen on opening myself up to this kind of wounding again. And, after this, a woman would have a harder time passing my vetting process than a man interested in one of the Botkin girls would have getting past their fruitcake of a father.
In short, I won't say "never", but probably not.
Happy New Year to all of you.