tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post9177432431293499526..comments2024-01-04T15:56:19.156-05:00Comments on Commandments of Men: The Joke Was On Me (Part Two)Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-87657125263267735382014-04-07T17:57:05.341-04:002014-04-07T17:57:05.341-04:00WHERE WAS ALL OF THIS WHEN I WAS 17?? thankful it&...WHERE WAS ALL OF THIS WHEN I WAS 17?? thankful it's here now. I never knew it wasn't just me. The dad wanted to kill himself out of frustration, self hate, and control. Trust me. Thank you for this blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-46884480952290834892013-02-02T22:25:17.737-05:002013-02-02T22:25:17.737-05:00Girl? At 23 she was a woman, not a girl. Girl? At 23 she was a woman, not a girl. Sayrendipityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00796660973217278240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-2104874230998426822012-11-03T18:18:38.667-04:002012-11-03T18:18:38.667-04:00"For those who may find my strong or direct l..."For those who may find my strong or direct language offensive or "unChristian"...please, grow up"<br /><br />My gosh, you know what happened to me recently? I was on Kelly Crawford's blog reading how she, too, wouldn't vote for either candidate this election, and the topic of Mormonism came up. This other lady started comparing Mormonism to just about any other type of religion with "faults" and good parts, and I responded bluntly that this was silly; I said that the belief system was created by fools and followed by polygamous dupes when it first came out. And you know what happened? Some OTHER woman came up and started bitching that I used "unkind" words: silly, dupes, and fools she found unkind, not very Christian, etc. I responded, and she made two more little snippy comments to me regarding that and another post I made; she didn't say anything NOT related to me on that board, then the thread was closed before I could reply, which frusterated me. ExCUSE me; I've been dealing with real spiritual shite lately, and have used REALLY sharp words in the past, not to mention been reading the actual account of early Mormonism from one of Brigham Young's own wives, so I have no time or sympathy for wimpy bellyaching and asinine shaming language over NON-swearing, blunt and accurate language concerning Satanic, life-ruining BS! If you don't like that, lady, or any pansy-pants out there, bite me.<br /><br />Damn, that felt good.<br /><br />JenniferAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-48163207515609655582012-03-14T17:28:41.895-04:002012-03-14T17:28:41.895-04:00The majority of the marriage talk was coming from ...The majority of the marriage talk was coming from her and her family. I made it more than clear to her, and everyone else involved, that I was in no hurry, whatsoever, to get married.<br /><br />If I were "desperate for marriage", I could've married years and years and years ago.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-1558530299736075702012-03-14T16:36:36.633-04:002012-03-14T16:36:36.633-04:00Dang, you move fast, Lewis! It had only been 30 da...Dang, you move fast, Lewis! It had only been 30 days. All Christianity and patriarchalism aside... I'd be worried if a guy went that fast with my daughter. Perhaps you were a bit too desperate for marriage?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-34969579711076284702012-02-14T16:06:53.506-05:002012-02-14T16:06:53.506-05:00Ex-fiancee. Saying "telephone girlfriend"...Ex-fiancee. Saying "telephone girlfriend" makes it sound as if the relationship wasn't half of what it was, as if there wasn't any substance and only self-satisfaction in the relationship. This was certainly not the case, as you would know if you read Lewis' story, and know even more if you knew Lewis' heart.<br /><br />And whatever your reading of the scripture makes you think otherwise, people ought to marry for reason of marrying that person, not for reason of marrying a father-in-law.simplymerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372177541938492195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-33719861236685843552012-02-14T03:00:36.483-05:002012-02-14T03:00:36.483-05:00So, this 'ex' of yours is just a telephone...So, this 'ex' of yours is just a telephone girlfriend, not an ex-wife? <br /><br />This man may have had his problems, but just reading your language and your attitude, I'm thinking, if I were him, I probably wouldn't want you as a son-in-law. As a father of much younger girls myself, I don't appreciate the lack of respect for a girl's father. My thinking on this is framed from reading scripture. You seem to be basing your ideas on the predominant mindset of our culture which talks about 'consenting adults' and things like that. <br /><br />If you let this girl go after this,Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-11499043428208250722011-04-21T20:49:27.850-04:002011-04-21T20:49:27.850-04:00Mary...Any time something major happened, especial...Mary...Any time something major happened, <em>especially</em> after the breakup, her dad and his buddies got on the phone and decided their course of action - which generally meant which of their lies they would treat as truth. Like a bunch of junior high schoolgirls, and that may actually be an insult to junior high schoolgirls. And her grandfather, dear Lord help us, was that man EVER eaten up with submission to peer pressure. Total pushover to the majority. No ability to do what's right simply because it's right. Peer pressure is what ultimately turned him against me/us. I'll be getting into that in future installments. As you can tell, my respect for these men is less than zero.<br /><br />SA stands for "sarcasm alert".Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-70721881146552322892011-04-21T17:34:32.463-04:002011-04-21T17:34:32.463-04:00"You must acknowledge that the age difference...<i>"You must acknowledge that the age difference between you is on the edge of social acceptibility. More often than not, the first reaction of any of our friends to **** friendship with you is negative. He's too old, and other unquotables. We know better because we know you but it doesn't change people's perceptions which is a measure of our culture and it's norms." </i> ~ from weirdo's letter<br /><br /><i>"...or maybe he just talked to someone of his ilk who thought that you were too "worldly" for his daughter." </i> ~ commentor Anna<br /><br />...ever noticed how much peer pressure there is among the seniority in this subculture? It's to the point where the opinions of their peers is viewed as the measure of what is culturally appropriate and acceptable, or even necessary. It's a level of immaturity and insecurity that rivals schoolage kids.<br /><br /><br />(and what does SA stand for?)simplymerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00372177541938492195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-6448090662203008782011-04-08T09:46:14.625-04:002011-04-08T09:46:14.625-04:00"It's as if they have no conscience."..."It's as if they have no conscience."<br /><br />I certainly does seem that way.shadowspringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172112981244682382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-12216143491444188892011-04-08T01:00:22.747-04:002011-04-08T01:00:22.747-04:00those emails sound very familiar, as in I've r...those emails sound very familiar, as in I've read things similarly written.Addynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-65431785542440899262011-04-07T23:22:07.801-04:002011-04-07T23:22:07.801-04:00Eerily familiar story.Eerily familiar story.Katherinehttp://wearewalkinginchrist.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-50495953418762931212011-04-07T22:34:38.056-04:002011-04-07T22:34:38.056-04:00You're right. Trying to reason with these peop...You're right. Trying to reason with these people is like talking to a brick wall. As for the no conscience, I truly believe that many of the people in the patriarchal subculture are narcissistic in one form or another. They are never wrong, they don't have remorse, they justify all of their actions, it's all about them and getting their way. It's like dealing with a 2 year old. <br /><br />I'm surprised they haven't googled you and found this blog yet. Maybe they have, though, and like you said, they have no conscience. In their mind, they're still right.Erika Martin - Stampin' Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15654013636892916062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-41075971023214032192011-04-07T22:32:57.456-04:002011-04-07T22:32:57.456-04:00I find it really odd that one day he would spread ...I find it really odd that one day he would spread the news that you are courting his daughter with the intention of marrying her, then not long after being angered that the topic of future marriage would be brought up between his daughter and you. I suspect that there was some other factor at work- maybe he didn't like how willing and eager perhaps his daughter was to escape the family by marriage, or maybe he thought he couldn't control her as well with you in the picture, or maybe he just talked to someone of his ilk who thought that you were too "worldly" for his daughter. <br /><br />And I concur with other the commenters, his suicide threats were purely manipulative. I was in an abusive relationship and one of the manipulative tactics my abuser used was threatening suicide whenever I disagreed or refused to do something.Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-7113866037836331982011-04-07T22:12:58.191-04:002011-04-07T22:12:58.191-04:00You'd be wasting your breath. I guarantee it....You'd be wasting your breath. I guarantee it.Incongruous Circumspectionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16232186225573312896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-90503597777071899842011-04-07T21:47:06.908-04:002011-04-07T21:47:06.908-04:00i hate the pain you've had to go through, Lewi...i hate the pain you've had to go through, Lewis. AND, it's done me a world of good to hear a man blast that terrible culture. thank you.heidinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-43333815525581797252011-04-07T21:22:39.218-04:002011-04-07T21:22:39.218-04:00They don't know about this blog. I've disc...They don't know about this blog. I've discussed them elsewhere in specific topic/private forums, and on an old, now extinct blog that I once had, and named names in the past, but time has proven that you can't shame these people into doing what's right. Outing them very publically here probably wouldn't accomplish anything beneficial. If the circumstances ever called for it, I'd out them publically here, and with no fear of civil action. Me and my circle have caught them in soooo many lies and other weirdness (documented stuff), and publically called them out on it in our personal circles - all to no avail. It's as if they have no conscience. I can safely say that they'd have no hope, whatsoever, of a meaningful future in the music business, even if they wanted it, because of these things - and despite my efforts to circumvent that damage for her and her sisters.<br /><br />At some point, I may see to it that a link of this blog gets to them just so they can see my attempt to do something beneficial with all the crap they introduced into my life.<br /><br />As far as a cease and desist, I'd send it right back unopened, with a "No thanks" note attached. I'm the one who had legal/civil court leverage in this. Big time. I'll get more into that in a future installment.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-64050457501110614842011-04-07T21:00:29.924-04:002011-04-07T21:00:29.924-04:00I'm surprised he thought things were moving to...I'm surprised he thought things were moving too fast. Usually, in this subculture, short courtships and engagements are the norm. <br /><br />Ah, the suicide tactic. I remember my father pulling this one. My brother woke up one night and saw my dad standing in his room with his Reuger to his head not long after my sister and I finally had enough and left home to marry our loves. I honestly don't think my father would have ever pulled the trigger, but more likely used it as a manipulation tactic to get attention and make everyone scared and have them call us to beg us to come home. <br /><br />I just read on Jack Watts' site that "Christianity is the one army that will shoot its wounded." Oh, isn't that so true! And sad!<br /><br />I often joke with my husband that these men in the patriarchal cult should have a button to wear on their lapels that says, "National Humble Society. Distinguised Member." All of their talk about humility is a joke. <br /><br />Do any of her family members read this blog? I've often wondered if you've ever gotten any cease and desist letters from them. Not that it would make any difference because you haven't named any names. <br /><br />I have to say that I totally agree with you about things moving with you as you move on. Again, you've put into words what I have been feeling for years. There are people, my parents included, that think I need to move on after all these years, but that is easier said than done. It's not like someone stole my bike. Almost 7 years of my life and soul were stolen from me. That's not something that's easily "moved on" from. <br /><br />@ Anonymous from 8:15 pm. - Yes! See a therpist. I left home at 20 and I'm now 34 years old and have just started seeing a therpist. Something I should have done a long time ago. You'd be surprised how much we stuff down over the years.Erika Martin - Stampin' Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15654013636892916062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-53870379584677839952011-04-07T20:57:57.548-04:002011-04-07T20:57:57.548-04:00"This blog has been a lifesaver for me, allow..."This blog has been a lifesaver for me, allowing me to channel the hurt outward in such a way as it isn't wasted."<br /><br />And you have blessed many people with your blog, including me. Thank you for speaking truth into our lives, Lewis.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-12372471544223016212011-04-07T20:17:45.864-04:002011-04-07T20:17:45.864-04:00Ugh. And, oh man. Those emails could EASILY have b...Ugh. And, oh man. Those emails could EASILY have been something my dad had written.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-18079536260083045872011-04-07T20:15:30.298-04:002011-04-07T20:15:30.298-04:00Oh, I remember the "for MY sake, please!"...Oh, I remember the "for MY sake, please!" Begging my boyfriend to just make it through and please my dad. I'm so glad I never truly gave in to their beliefs, though plenty of grief was caused along the way. We got married anyway. In a church surrounded by our families - well, not my immediate family, but my aunts and cousins. <br /><br /> My dad is comfortable around my husband now. We've not addressed any of the things that happened in the years leading up to all of this, but I sometimes wonder if there can even be closure other than just rising above and moving on. Closure for them would be me apologizing for anything they viewed I did wrong. And I'm not sorry for anything I did. I came to a point where I saw peace in following where God seemed to be leading my heart. The opposite was a life of bitterness and regret. I'd already given so much to my boyfriend and dealt with so much, I knew it was either then or never, because I would NEVER go through that crap again. Sometimes I still think I should see a therapist to try and undo any emotional damage I've just shoved away. (I left a snippet of my story in the previous post "part one")Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-1339443518210858232011-04-07T19:52:39.612-04:002011-04-07T19:52:39.612-04:00I never did figure out all of the intricate inner-...I never did figure out all of the intricate inner-workings of the "why" behind so much of this stuff, Angie. I just proudly wore my "What the...?!" bubble above my head ;)Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-35537270722701296892011-04-07T19:47:39.753-04:002011-04-07T19:47:39.753-04:00Lewis...I can't believe he was complaining abo...Lewis...I can't believe he was complaining about how fast things were going. I have observed people courting in June...and married by the end of August. Some court for a only a few months, then get engaged. I just thought...that's how "they" did things. And could someone PLEASE explain to me WHY people congratulate a couple who is courting? It's not like they are engaged yet. Suppose things don't work out?Angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17536064605860937608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-86096439500204779952011-04-07T19:17:55.063-04:002011-04-07T19:17:55.063-04:00When I read this, I have a lot of compassion for t...When I read this, I have a lot of compassion for the struggle your girl friend must have gone through. I grew up in a family with similar expectations regarding courtship, and the truth is I would have been emotionally and psychologically incapable of marrying someone against my parents' wishes. I am married now, very happily, to a man I loved and that they did approve of-- so all's well that ends well, in a sense, for me at least. But I can just imagine how torn your girl friend must have been over this and wanted to say it made me feel very sympathetic towards her. The good news is, God will continue to work in her life and on all of us. There are so many past hurts we all need healing from-- and that we need His grace to even understand.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-11933277992291713612011-04-07T18:58:59.093-04:002011-04-07T18:58:59.093-04:00Thanks, ss...It'll probably be a lifelong hurt...Thanks, ss...It'll probably be a lifelong hurt, but thankfully it's progressed from a crippling hurt to an inspiring one over the last year or so. I know that may sound strange to some people, particularly the types who think you need to just "move on" past everything, but the fact is, some things need to "move with" us as we move on for moving on to be truly healthy. This blog has been a lifesaver for me, allowing me to channel the hurt outward in such a way as it isn't wasted.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.com