tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post9036125664413837295..comments2024-01-04T15:56:19.156-05:00Comments on Commandments of Men: Serious Business - What Patriarchy Can DoLewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-28166597739399478472011-04-06T12:02:23.273-04:002011-04-06T12:02:23.273-04:00Lewis-
I can relate to this... It's only by a...Lewis-<br /><br />I can relate to this... It's only by a miracle that I ran and got on the plane myself. As I got into the air it couldn't get off the ground and far away fast enough. Darcy's story was key for me knowing what would happen if I didn't. DH and I talk a lot about what would have happened had I made different choices and gone back. I imagine DH in similar shoes and I'm not sure what would have happened to him.<br /><br />You are strong and resilient, and don't let anyone take that from you.Addynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-18105082809458221512011-04-04T16:04:03.336-04:002011-04-04T16:04:03.336-04:00One little nugget that I didn't include in the...One little nugget that I didn't include in the article...<br /><br />Her grandfather, the man who personally saw to it that she <em>didn't</em> get on the plane that morning, and the man who called me to tell me she wasn't coming (having caved in to the pressure from his patriarse buddies), had said the following to me less than 72 hours before this all went down...<br /><br /><em>"Lewis, I promise to do all within my power to have her on that plane. I'm not going to interfere anymore."</em><br /><br />He and I had no interaction between this promise and his breaking of this promise. That, in and of itself, should tell you the caliber of people I was dealing with, and the caliber of people who were engineering her life.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-75806283114960971372011-03-28T19:08:04.875-04:002011-03-28T19:08:04.875-04:00This story breaks my heart. Lewis, anyone who can&...This story breaks my heart. Lewis, anyone who can't understand your heartache about this simply does not have a heart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-10766391917773145462011-03-23T01:27:13.549-04:002011-03-23T01:27:13.549-04:00So heartbreaking, Lewis. I feel so deeply for you...So heartbreaking, Lewis. I feel so deeply for you. Mara, too.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08252374623355509404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-24410703038685461902011-03-23T00:04:44.337-04:002011-03-23T00:04:44.337-04:00Oh, Mara! That is heartbreaking to hear!!! I hop...Oh, Mara! That is heartbreaking to hear!!! I hope and pray that she comes back some day. Meanwhile, I know what it is to have a family member cut off ties (and with no clear reason given)...we just have to find a way to go on, don't we? Painful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-71484051035320078112011-03-22T13:38:25.230-04:002011-03-22T13:38:25.230-04:00I know about it too.
Not with neo patriarchy but ...I know about it too.<br /><br />Not with neo patriarchy but with an estranged sister married to a sociopath.<br /><br />I haven't spoken to her since I was pregnant with my youngest who will be turning 14 next month.<br /><br />She's alive and working in and upscale solon in the same town my parents live an hour away from where I live.<br /><br />How do you mourn that?<br />Espcecially when they cut off ties to the family once already and came back. The second time they didn't come back. It has taken years to finally realize, no they really aren't coming back.<br />My sister really is dead to me even though she is very much alive.Mara Reidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16385458933795539928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-18661831527543664022011-03-22T11:22:46.215-04:002011-03-22T11:22:46.215-04:00It's not stupid. I understand.
The first time...It's not stupid. I understand.<br />The first time my parents demanded that I break up with Blake, I felt somewhat the same way... It was like he was dead to me yet living at the same time. I wasn't even supposed to be friends with him anymore...nothing. Every phone conversation, text message, just stopped. The silence was torture.Katherinehttp://wearewalkinginchrist.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-59503787547994912552011-03-22T00:03:07.061-04:002011-03-22T00:03:07.061-04:00I've tacked on a pretty big addition to the en...I've tacked on a pretty big addition to the end of this post to maybe answer the questions of some.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-87854012537869681622011-03-21T19:20:23.705-04:002011-03-21T19:20:23.705-04:00Glad you are on the way back to health.
"Fif...Glad you are on the way back to health. <br />"Fifedom" is the perfect word: Each family is a self-contained, self-supporting feudal kingdom ruled over by the Lord of the Manner. Family/Home business, homeschooling, home birth, home church, home elder care. In and of themselves these don't have to be evil--in fact some are even good. It's the IDOL that is built that is evil: Daddy the Godhead and Family as the Icon of the God. I feel for the young people, who did not choose any of this, who cannot even have a say in their own future without running away from sisters and brothers, maybe even Mom that they love.Hopewellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02510172065585770709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-56713213720870692722011-03-21T13:09:13.534-04:002011-03-21T13:09:13.534-04:00The person I was in love with was taken away from ...The person I was in love with was taken away from me for different reasons, but for certain dysfunctionalities all the same. I'm no stranger to the sunken face, yellow eyeballs, skinny frame, & crunchy-dead hair. It's a disturbing experience to feel like you're watching yourself die.Leahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02067229382048242612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-73414471820154431542011-03-21T11:36:13.475-04:002011-03-21T11:36:13.475-04:00Lewis, I am so sorry...my heart breaks for you. I...Lewis, I am so sorry...my heart breaks for you. I know the pain...<br />The whole thing with has Blake profoundly affected me physically...especially the two times that I was literally forced to break up with him.<br />I am still trying to return to my normal self physically.<br />Broken hearts can kill you physically...and my spirit was broken as well.Katherinehttp://wearewalkinginchrist.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-79309402970791990732011-03-21T09:53:41.650-04:002011-03-21T09:53:41.650-04:00It's good to know there is life on the other s...It's good to know there is life on the other side of the patriarch's pit. <br />Your comment- " My former future father in-law freely admitted to others that his only beef with me was that I wouldn't submit to him, and because of this, he was willing to make everyone involved suffer to any level necessary until I either submitted or he could get rid of me." Very insightful. Patriarchy truly develops dishonesty in relationships. If you played the "submission" game with this man,(and stroked his ego a bit)it's possible he might have accepted you. In the end though, it's much easier to live with ourselves when we approach things honestly (and much more Christ-like.)supernalquesthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12995966915803003751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-76634066941662005812011-03-21T01:42:19.388-04:002011-03-21T01:42:19.388-04:00You are much more attractive than you give yoursel...You are much more attractive than you give yourself credit for. :-D<br /><br />And I agree with this post, the effects patriarchy mindsets has on people, both those inside and having left it are devastating.Joanna Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12389913491622412783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-10947762493880237182011-03-21T00:35:43.956-04:002011-03-21T00:35:43.956-04:00Whoever said that a broken heart can't kill ya...Whoever said that a broken heart can't kill ya...was lying. This is something you just don't get over in just a couple of days or months. Sometimes it may take years. I regret having to say that, but it's true.<br /><br />Lewis, I'm so happy you are doing much better. Please know we are praying for you and understand.Angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17536064605860937608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-30664268048364709962011-03-20T22:41:13.929-04:002011-03-20T22:41:13.929-04:00I am married to a man who has a lot of patriarchy/...I am married to a man who has a lot of patriarchy/authoritarianism floating around in his paradigm. I wish I were married to a 'Lewis'. I have what I have, though, and have to take it from there. Lots of sorrow, lots of pain, lots of aloneness within a marriage. Lots of personal growth. Lots of hard work.<br /><br />Lewis, I am glad you are on the upswing. What a massively challenging ride you have been on! <br /><br />(Another Anonymous.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-44563958101238602202011-03-20T19:23:39.936-04:002011-03-20T19:23:39.936-04:00I'm sorry. (I wish I could also say I'm so...I'm sorry. (I wish I could also say I'm sorry to man I am sure I hurt very much as a 21 year old daughter of patriarchy who felt she had no choice.) My father would say that he would rather that we were seriously injuried or killed rather than do something "wrong" or "immoral" (He was the one who got to choose what is wrong or immoral.) Ugh, just wish I had had the guts to leave much earlier.Katerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05645403612156172760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-62068474204143932152011-03-20T17:03:11.695-04:002011-03-20T17:03:11.695-04:00"...the tragedy of the paradigm is in my fina..."...the tragedy of the paradigm is in my final statement...<br /><br />I loved her, and would've given my life for her. They loved her, and would've given MY life for her.<br /><br />I could even replace "MY" in the final sentence with "her". I whole-heartedly believe that."<br /><br />And that is why I think you hold the higher moral ground--Patrios deny free agency to everyone except the patriarch (who, even then, is sometimes ruled by a manipulative, passive aggressive wife, or a bullying preacher).Sandra Keehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16979912092987681396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-61943789391640758992011-03-20T16:34:45.074-04:002011-03-20T16:34:45.074-04:00Sharon.
I know what you are talking about.
I kno...Sharon.<br /><br />I know what you are talking about.<br /><br />I know that this kind of love that Lewis describes exists in the heart of some men. It is an heroic love that makes me remember that there is still good in the world, and even in the church.<br /><br />Then there is a false love that is all about the letter of the law and the selfishness of men's hearts that is paraded around as true love. And this false love is diplayed as the kind of love God has for us. There is far too much of this false love in the body of Christ. And because there is so much of it, new atheism is on the rise. (and people wonder why???)<br /><br />Patriarchy is a devastating force individually and on the grand scale.<br />May the fall of patriarchy come quickly and may true, heroic, Christ-like love make a revolutionary come back.<br /><br />MaraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-10067259633867654742011-03-20T15:20:58.300-04:002011-03-20T15:20:58.300-04:00I have no words.
Only, I'm so sorry.I have no words. <br />Only, I'm so sorry.Hillaryhttp://www.quiveringdaughters.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-57417117674483265022011-03-20T15:11:41.589-04:002011-03-20T15:11:41.589-04:00Just...thank you.
I just finished reading The L...Just...thank you. <br /><br />I just finished reading The Lord of the Rings for the first time. Your story reminds me of the heroes that I met in Middle Earth.Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08973606092527060970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-62648025317849923002011-03-20T15:08:12.188-04:002011-03-20T15:08:12.188-04:00Wow, Lewis, I'm so glad you're doing well ...Wow, Lewis, I'm so glad you're doing well now. :)<br /><br />I can relate. I was so skinny from stress when I finally got married that it took me 2 years to relax, gain some weight, and be able to conceive my first child. I see that story over and over again in the lives of the spiritually abused and those who love them. It's really sad. :(Darcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03702441292981376229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-54027269216135311222011-03-20T14:28:48.427-04:002011-03-20T14:28:48.427-04:00Ornery, probably. (grin) Scrapping and kicking, c...Ornery, probably. (grin) Scrapping and kicking, certainly. But ugly? I don't think so-- neither physically nor spiritually, Lewis.<br /><br />I'm so moved by your pictures. What was it Jesus said about a tree that's good bearing good fruit. Your suffering was certainly bad fruit produced by a very bad doctrine-tree.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08252374623355509404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-49054363269516509542011-03-20T14:27:20.063-04:002011-03-20T14:27:20.063-04:00I don't disagree with that at all, Sandra, but...I don't disagree with that at all, Sandra, but I feel the tragedy of the paradigm is in my final statement...<br /><br /><em>I loved her, and would've given my life for her. They loved her, and would've given MY life for her.</em><br /><br />I could even replace "MY" in the final sentence with "her". I whole-heartedly believe that.<br /><br />This paradigm creates a dysfunctional and disturbed "love" that values the paradigm itself as much as (or more than) it values the children/adult children within its confines. It becomes a love that seeks its own, and the humanity involved becomes a means to an end.<br /><br />My former future father in-law freely admitted to others that his only beef with me was that I wouldn't submit to him, and because of this, he was willing to make <em>everyone</em> involved suffer to any level necessary until I either submitted or he could get rid of me.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-12306765736944716212011-03-20T13:36:54.870-04:002011-03-20T13:36:54.870-04:00Not to dismiss your pain nor the authenticity from...Not to dismiss your pain nor the authenticity from which you write, I see this statement<br /><br />"But, when you love someone, and you know what's right, you'll pay any price."<br /><br />as exactly the same thing being said on the other side of this story. Her family loved her, were absolutely dead-sure they were right/holy/moral, and were obviously willing to pay any price--even to committing crimes and sacrificing lives. Both of you from within your own perspectives were working from the same starting point, including that you both rejected the other's point of view as spiritually legitimate. To really make a statement to Patrios, there has to be a way to argue from within their own paradigm or they will simply dismiss you.<br /><br />My own position is that any paradigm that disallows for the free agency of the individual--all individuals, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, sexual preference, or income--is morally repugnant. So I'm pretty firmly on your side in this story and not trying to excuse the Patrios of wrongdoing in their very theology.Sandra Keehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16979912092987681396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-17062234557537963052011-03-20T13:06:59.457-04:002011-03-20T13:06:59.457-04:00May God richly bless you brother, I am glad you ma...May God richly bless you brother, I am glad you made it!! That last paragraph tells me so much about you, you said you would do it all again, that is love. So happy to know that this experience did not rob you of your ability to love others and more importantly to love God. Thank you so much for sharing this very personal story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17674724075185496419noreply@blogger.com