tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post604844411247278711..comments2024-01-04T15:56:19.156-05:00Comments on Commandments of Men: The Joke Was On Me (Part Fifteen)Lewishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-7440404943629948792011-12-03T00:23:25.098-05:002011-12-03T00:23:25.098-05:00Lewis, you have inspired me to start a blog of my ...Lewis, you have inspired me to start a blog of my own. <br /><br />peterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-88760579403027271922011-12-02T10:14:05.938-05:002011-12-02T10:14:05.938-05:00Lewis, thank you for your candor, honesty and open...Lewis, thank you for your candor, honesty and openness. I wish I couldn't say that, "I feel your pain." I know first hand. I know your anger and frustration.<br /><br />The real travesty, spiritual dysfunction, and abuse in any hierarchical/patriarchal system is that it keeps people from enjoying a meaningful and tangible relationship with Christ. I suppose this is why Jesus talked a lot about "stumbling-blocks" with such anger.<br /><br />One of the key tenets of the gospel of Christ is Jesus' indictments of just wearing spirituality rather than really having it. I guess this somehow gets lost with the people you have met and the others like them. These folks, to use their own pat pseudo spiritual phrase, need "to read their Bibles" - better yet, though, they need to "open the door" to the One Who knocks.<br /><br />Thanks again for your words.<br /><br />PeterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-60883697779338562612011-11-26T11:39:43.185-05:002011-11-26T11:39:43.185-05:00Lewis - your story breaks my heart. I've rere...Lewis - your story breaks my heart. I've reread it a few times and keep hoping for the final installments. Any chance?<br />KathyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-68744027352376970932011-08-19T16:30:08.506-04:002011-08-19T16:30:08.506-04:00Lewis,
I got to your blog via a link from ylcf.o...Lewis, <br /><br />I got to your blog via a link from ylcf.org to quivering daughters and then to your site.<br />Being from Germany I didn't know the background of all this patriarchal homeschool movement. However, soon after I got saved at age 17 somebody gave me a German copy of Josh Harris' book. At the time I had never ever heard of the whole courtship concept and also don't know anyone personally who actually followed it. I have been reading the ylcf.org blog for several years though with a mixture of unbelief, amusement and wonder. So much I could write but for now I just want to thank you for sharing your very personal experience. I read all the installments at once in rapt attention. I am really sorry for what you had to go through and pray that the Great Physician will heal your heart. I understand what you mean by you can't be so vulnerable with anyone again but from experience I can say that God can heal your heart in way that one never thought would be possible. I think it's good you started this blog as a way of working through the experience and also offering inside information, but please try for your own wellbeing not to get stuck in the past.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-65403501518149283502011-08-18T17:57:55.293-04:002011-08-18T17:57:55.293-04:00Man, in reading through this, every time you say t...Man, in reading through this, every time you say the word "ex" my heart sinks. To think that something so beautiful is just gone! It isn't every day that two people love each other so much and it just so sad....Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00823543583907747767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-69916154499316116382011-08-07T02:52:02.780-04:002011-08-07T02:52:02.780-04:00Thank you for being so honest about what is messed...Thank you for being so honest about what is messed up in all of this. My father wasn't NEARLY this bad and my (pseudo-)courtship turned out well in the end as I got to marry my husband, but even though we've been married for 7 years now I feel like I'm still getting over tiny little things here and there that were wrong back then. It really really helps me to hear you explain just how wrong and weird those things were/are. When you described the chaperon issue it was so helpful to see it from a healthy point of view. I'd only heard the teaching that she'd had you see... about "appearance of evil" stuff and all that. When I was describing some of this to my husband he was completely on your side about knowing how wrong all that teaching was, but I've found myself understanding what your ex must have been thinking at certain points. Even though I don't believe that stuff and never was so stuck in it that I wouldn't have broken the jar if it came down to it! It's still in my head! GAH! Anyway, all that to say, reading your point of view is helping me to see these false teachings clearly. <br /><br />I'd like to tell you more of my story, but it's probably a bit too long to post on comments.Lynne'https://www.blogger.com/profile/02472779340527849300noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-83085548622398451992011-07-29T21:05:57.078-04:002011-07-29T21:05:57.078-04:00Lewis, Thanks so much for sharing your painful, he...Lewis, Thanks so much for sharing your painful, heart-wrenching story. I found your website and started reading it a month or so ago and keep checking back to see if there's any new installments. I think it was partly because of your story that I started studying up on Patriarchy. I was raised in the Gothard program, but my parents didn't subscribe to Patriarchy, so while familiar with the general concept, I was unfamiliar with the extremes of it. Your story came at just the right time, because the week I found your website, I came across the path of a young couple who were struggling with a similar situation in their engagement. Their story seems to be working out much more happily (Patriarchy was on his side, and he's willing to break from his family), for which I am grateful. But thanks for being willing to openly process your pain and hurt, and allow others to learn from your story.Bevhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18139660223480967891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-5836905128539772812011-07-13T23:28:57.167-04:002011-07-13T23:28:57.167-04:00Lewis,
My heart breaks for both you and her. I&#...Lewis,<br /><br />My heart breaks for both you and her. I've been in her shoes--not completely, my jar wasn't quite as thick--but I do know just how powerful those emotional and "spiritual" holds are. <br /><br />From someone who's been there, thank you so much for fighting for her. That's something that I don't think she'll ever forget, and I'm very thankful that you had the courage and love for her to fight for the two of y'all as long and hard as you did.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-74379236526572197002011-07-07T06:59:58.278-04:002011-07-07T06:59:58.278-04:00despite what George Lucas thinks, anger isn't ...despite what George Lucas thinks, anger isn't bad. it's what you DO with it that matters.<br /><br /><br />as far as i can see, you're doing the best you can. you're using that anger to try and free other people from the Hell that was forced upon you. and no one - LEAST OF ALL GOD - expects you to do more than you can.<br /><br /><br />i wish i had something more to offer. i just feel so badly, both for you and for her - you, because you poured yourself into trying to free her, and her, for not even really ever getting that she WASN'T FREE. i don't know which is worse, actually - they're both horrible, and show some horrible things that have been growing for a while, now :(<br /><br />i'm sending you GoodThoughts(tm) [i.e. non-religion-specific prayers] i wish i had something more, something that would "fix" this... but unless a miracle happens, there's no real fix... sigh. i cannot perform miracles, as much as i wish i could.denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-65035290112591725492011-07-07T00:58:34.765-04:002011-07-07T00:58:34.765-04:00These installments are getting more difficult to r...These installments are getting more difficult to read, especially this one, because it is obvious that the both of you had feelings of love for one another. No wonder you're so angry. Who could blame you?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-3447062080550316782011-07-07T00:43:07.093-04:002011-07-07T00:43:07.093-04:00Wow, I have seen things you've posted in the p...Wow, I have seen things you've posted in the past on the Quivering Daughters FB page, but I just read your story and I am so sorry you went thru all of that! Thank you for being willing to share it so honestly as I am still sorting thru my own spiritually abusive background. You fought so hard for her; I'm so sorry for your loss and her to choice to be lost. I can relate to so much of her mental battle. <br /><br />After spending almost a decade in frequent conflict over the craziness surrounding us and being warned about being Luciferian and a Jezebel, I finally told my husband 2.5 yrs ago that I would not attend our church (cult) w/ him anymore even though he was on staff there. He finally agreed at that point to leave b/c he was afraid of losing me and our children, but we were out for over a year b/4 he began to come to grips w/ the reality of what he had been part of. He's completely fallen apart as a result, struggling w/ PTSD. <br /><br />I'm still trying to recover from all of the "you're the crazy, rebellious one" messages I got there. I had grown up in a home w/ Gothard influence and, even tho rejecting that, had wound up in a cult which had its own version of craziness. It's been freeing to learn about thought reform/mind control and realize that the tactics are the same even if the specifics of the group change. The worst part is that my genuine love and desire for God always feels tainted by the lingering fears of legalistic echos. I'm at a point that I have to simply sit b/4 Jesus and trust Him to cleanse the stench of the lingering past.<br /><br />I appreciate so much that your posts on this have helped me w/ that renewal process. Thank you for letting God release His redemption thru your pain. I pray that your healing will arise in the midst of your courage to discuss this openly. His grace in your life is amazing to me...and I think He's angry along w/ you at the way His nature was so twisted. It's a heart cry of "THIS SHOULD NOT BE!!" If we refuse to feel that, how can we long for Him to make all things new?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-11265525038825024712011-07-06T22:50:15.833-04:002011-07-06T22:50:15.833-04:00@interested bystander...It's that whole "...@interested bystander...It's that whole "appearance of evil" thing that very immature, shallow, superficial Christians dwell on. Just spending the night in the same house qualified as "the appearance of evil" to that crowd.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-25453759229011041532011-07-06T22:43:29.263-04:002011-07-06T22:43:29.263-04:00So what I can't understand is why would anyone...So what I can't understand is why would anyone object to her sleeping in your bed while you took the couch. That is what my parents would have insisted on as good manners.Interested bystandernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-47110734271488170302011-07-06T14:36:07.650-04:002011-07-06T14:36:07.650-04:00So beautiful. But I can't enjoy the beauty fo...So beautiful. But I can't enjoy the beauty for knowing what is coming. Lewis, you are brave.Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08973606092527060970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-46465022163823608492011-07-06T14:33:55.567-04:002011-07-06T14:33:55.567-04:00"The anger that wells up in me as I write the..."The anger that wells up in me as I write these isn't something I'm comfortable with."<br /><br />I think a lot of us can identify with that statement.<br /><br />Keep fighting through-- you're doing good...Conniehttp://www.conniebrz.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-40841547461439640822011-07-06T12:42:12.410-04:002011-07-06T12:42:12.410-04:00I understand where you're coming from, complet...I understand where you're coming from, completely. Embrace it as part of the healing process. Grief and anger are part of that process.Erika Martin - Stampin' Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15654013636892916062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-23533156859711913742011-07-06T12:21:57.437-04:002011-07-06T12:21:57.437-04:00This post breaks my heart more than ANY you have y...This post breaks my heart more than ANY you have yet written. Why? Because of the passionate intimacy that you and her shared, and then knowing that it soon gets ripped away from you...my heart weeps for you. =(Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05927558035256871985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-61827251403540634952011-07-06T12:19:37.427-04:002011-07-06T12:19:37.427-04:00OT: Lewis chick movies aren't all bad.OT: Lewis chick movies aren't all bad.amulbunny's random thoughtshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10621932038345682056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-54411619542407092682011-07-06T12:08:09.259-04:002011-07-06T12:08:09.259-04:00Welcome back, Lewis. Thank you for the raw descri...Welcome back, Lewis. Thank you for the raw description of caring for your ex. It is a fine example of ways I need to improve in my own relationship. I sincerely appreciate it. <br /><br />In other words, whatever hurt and horrible history has come from this, putting it out here helps others in more ways than one. And I hope, one day, my wife will thank you (i.e. if I follow through).Incongruous Circumspectionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16232186225573312896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-75976547365359850002011-07-06T10:31:36.272-04:002011-07-06T10:31:36.272-04:00The anger that wells up in me as I write these isn...The anger that wells up in me as I write these isn't something I'm comfortable with. I feel no remorse or guilt for it, it's plenty justified - I just don't like to feel it.Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05596138376570543467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6879552692521649812.post-16535974954240487552011-07-06T09:47:16.702-04:002011-07-06T09:47:16.702-04:00All of this breaks my heart for you, Lewis. There&...All of this breaks my heart for you, Lewis. There's no doubt that she truly loved you. Shame on her family for destroying that.Erika Martin - Stampin' Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15654013636892916062noreply@blogger.com